Have you been nailed lately?

We need your vote!

I usually don't pass along these 'add your name' lists, but this
one is too important.

To show your support for Jacob Zuma and encourage him on his run for
president, please add your name to the rapidly growing list below and
send it on.

1. Julius Malema
2. ..........

Incest in my food?

South African police in training

I feel much safer already...

Parrot oldies

An African walks into the doctor's with a parrot on his head...

The doctor says: "Okay, what can I do for you?"

And the parrot says: "Can you get this blackhead off my foot!?!"

********************************************************

Sipho walks into a bar in Bondi Beach, Australia with a parrot
on his shoulder.

Barman says: "That's awesome mate! Where did you get it from?"

The parrot says: "Africa... there's fucking millions of them!"

Fwd: Om te poep is nie 'n sonde nie....

Om te poep ...
is nie 'n sonde nie....
deur A G Visser

O, gonna ek hoop dis die einde van die kerk
Ek kan nie meer sit nie my maag wil werk
Die dominee praat lank en die son sit laag
Die vreeslikste pyne kruip rond in my maag

Eers word ek warm, en dan weer koud
Nog nooit in my lewe was ek al so benoud
Dominee, Dominee praat tog klaar
My rug trek krom die gort is gaar
Dit knal en dit kraak en my derms kreun
Toe los ek 'n poep wat die gallery laat dreun
Die mense kyk om en ek bloos my bloedrooi
Die skaamste van almal was Sannie, my nooi.

Die dominee bly stil sy oe omgedop
Die vrou agter my se hoed sit skeef op haar kop
Kort agter die hakke van die stereo klank
Volg die gemeente se reaksie op die vreeslike stank
Party begin te hoes, en ander te proes
Ander weer waai met sakdoeke woes
My oe traan, my kop die sak
Toe kom die vrees dat ek in my broek sal kak

Sowaar as wragtig net die volgende keer
Is dit toe presies wat moes gebeur
Ek dag dis 'n poep want die drukking is kwaai
Te laat besef ek dis 'n ander lawaai

Geskok na die gerommel soos 'n donderstorm
Kom ek agter die poep het 'n knopperige vorm
Die dominee bly stil en gluur my aan
'n ouderling begin woedend sy weg na my baan

Ek spring met mening op om weg te hol
Maar word teruggetrek deur 'n tienpond drol
Die ouderling kom nader sy arms bak
Ek skrik so groot dat ek 'n groter bol kak

My broek is nat en die pype staan wyd
so het ek my laas as kind beskyt
Die ouderling gryp my, ek kan nie beweeg
Toe maak ek vir 'spite' die res op hom leeg

Nou is hy woedend en soos 'n bees so sterk
Hy 'free wheel' my kop tussen my bene uit die kerk
My sinne word dof van die walglike reuk
Die 'cheek' om my kop tussen my bene te steek

My maag is so seer, my bene die knak
Al wat ek voel is die groot bol kak
Die ouderling steun en druk aan die bol
En druk die ding amper terug in my hol

Buite los hy my en storm na binne
Stadig herstel ek van my bedwelmde sinne
Die ding wat my sedertdien nog altyd verstom
Is hoe het ek die Sondag by die huis gekom

Een ding het ek van kerkgang geleer
As jou maag wil werk , sit naby die deur
En as jou derms begin draai en jou poephol blom
Sorg dat jy vinnig by die kakhuis kom.

.ooooooooOOOOOOOOOoooooooo.

Crash

What do Black people say after a car crash?
"EISH !!!"

White people?
"OH $HIT!!!"

Indian people?
"Ayo ama, the other car just jumped in front of my car!"

Coloured people?
"HOLD MY BEER... WATCH HOW I MOER THIS P@E$!!!!!"

Mbeki's Legacy

OPINION SEPTEMBER 22, 2008
Mbeki's Legacy
By MARIAN L. TUPY | FROM TODAY'S WALL STREET JOURNAL EUROPE

President Thabo Mbeki, who has led South Africa since 1999, agreed
Saturday to go quietly after the ruling ANC asked him to resign. Mr.
Mbeki leaves behind a largely incompetent government fraught with
nepotism and corruption, and a despondent country with weakened
institutions, declining education and health standards, out-of-control
violence and an HIV/AIDS pandemic. Troublingly, Jacob Zuma, the man who
is likely to replace Mr. Mbeki, inspires even less confidence for the
future of South Africa.
To understand the disappointment of the last decade in South Africa, it
is important to contrast Mr. Mbeki with his predecessor. When Nelson
Mandela emerged from his 27-year incarceration, he preached forgiveness
and compassion and set about to forge a nation in which the whites --
his former jailers -- had an important role to play. Mr. Mbeki, on the
other hand, remained a Marxist ideologue who never overcame the pain and
prejudices of his life in exile.
In Mr. Mbeki's view the West oppressed the rest of mankind. Obsessed
with race and colonialism, Mr. Mbeki undermined the response to the
HIV/AIDS pandemic in South Africa. To him, orthodox science "portrayed
black people...[as] victims of a slave mentality." Rejection of the
HIV/AIDS orthodoxy was necessary to confront "centuries-old white racist
beliefs and concepts about Africans." Hundreds of thousands, maybe
millions, of South Africans died needlessly while Mr. Mbeki defended
rejectionist scientists who claimed AIDS wasn't caused by HIV.
Similarly, it was Mr. Mbeki's warped ideology that led him to support
Zimbabwe's dictator. Robert Mugabe couched his devastating economic
policies in revolutionary terms -- as a just fight against alleged
British plots and other delusions. For eight years the South African
begged for more time for his "quiet diplomacy" while Zimbabwe burned. If
the recent power-sharing deal between Mr. Mugabe and Morgan Tsvangirai
works, it will do so not because of Mr. Mbeki's diplomacy but because of
his departure. Mr. Mugabe may yet find it more advantageous to
compromise with Mr. Tsvangirai than to deal with Mr. Zuma who criticized
Mr. Mugabe in the past.
Mr. Mbeki' accommodating policy toward Mr. Mugabe exemplified a growing
gap between the high-minded principles the South African claimed to
follow in foreign affairs and the sordid reality of his policies. He
cozied up to Cuba, Iran, and Libya. At the U.N., his diplomats worked
with China to prevent a debate on human rights abuses in Burma. South
Africa's intelligence minister visited Iran last year, where he praised
Hezbollah and Hamas. In sum, Mr. Mbeki never encountered an anti-Western
tyrant he did not like.

At home, he exhibited the authoritarian tendencies he had learned during
his stint in the Soviet Union. He transformed the state-owned South
African Broadcasting Corporation into a personal propaganda machine that
banned some of his critics from appearing on it. He banished some of his
competitors in the ANC by accusing them of trying to assassinate him.
External dissenters, like the opposition Democratic Alliance, were
weakened by persistent accusations of racism. That stifled public debate
over the direction of South Africa's economic and social policies,
including a murder rate that is nine times higher than that of the
United States, and a healthcare system which according to the World
Health Organization is worsening.
Mr. Mbeki was rightly praised for following good macro-economic policies
that saw the budget deficit and public debt fall, and growth increase.
But being reasonably tight with the public purse did not make Mr. Mbeki
"businessfriendly" -- as he was sometimes mischaracterized. Businesses
in South Africa are heavily taxed (at 35%) and regulated. They also have
to follow onerous race guidelines in employment and promotion.
Micro-economic over-regulation has kept growth low (expected to come in
at 2% this year) and contributed to a 26% unemployment rate. The number
of people living in absolute poverty has doubled since the ANC came to
power in 1994. Mr. Mbeki's breathless drive to monopolize power has led
him to attack the independence of the judiciary. According to a High
Court judge, he tried to influence the judicial proceedings against his
nemesis, former Deputy President Jacob Zuma. It was that apparent abuse
of state power that finally gave the ANC leadership an excuse to ask Mr.
Mbeki to resign.
Following Mr. Mbeki's departure, Mr. Zuma will most likely take over
after the election in 2009, while a caretaker president will run the
state affairs in the meantime. But Mr. Zuma is a deeply flawed man as
well. The accusations of corruption against him persist. Moreover, his
judgment has been called to question. When, during his rape trial, he
was asked about the wisdom of having unprotected sex with an HIV
positive woman, Mr. Zuma replied that there was no problem, because he
"showered" afterward.
There are also questions about his commitment to South Africa's fragile
democracy. Mr. Zuma once famously predicted that the ANC would remain in
power until "Jesus comes back." For all of Mr. Mbeki's faults -- and
there were many -- South Africans may yet look back at his tenure with
nostalgia.
Mr. Tupy is a policy analyst at the Cato Institute's Center for Global
Liberty and Prosperity.
Mbeki's Legacy - WSJ.com
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122203312322660903.html?mod...

Car locks up alleged thief via remote

Hanti Otto
October 01 2008 at 07:09AM

An alleged car thief was immediately "imprisoned" by technology.
Hemman Mathebe, 23, of Mamelodi East, was trapped in a VW Golf 5 for at
least two hours while the driver was partying in a Hatfield club.
He pleaded not guilty to a charge of attempted vehicle theft.
Natasha Labotski told the Pretoria Regional Court that she and a friend
parked her mother's car across the street from the club on the night of
November 30 last year.
"When we got out of the car, I pressed the remote to lock it. We walked
across the street and, without looking, I pressed the remote again over
my shoulder in the direction of the car, just to make sure it was
locked," she recalled.
About two hours later someone came into the club looking for her.
They said someone was locked inside her car.
Police Inspector Stephanus Dreyer testified that they were patrolling
the streets when a security guard flagged them down, saying someone was
locked inside a vehicle. "The person inside panicked. We tried to open
the door, but couldn't. I told and gestured to him to open it from the
inside, but he gestured back that he couldn't," the inspector testified.
He sent someone to look for the driver of the car.
When Labotski arrived, she said she did not know the man inside the
vehicle. When she unlocked the door Mathebe got out.
"All he said was 'Sorry, sorry'," Dreyer said.
However, the accused claimed in court that he was a car guard and the
two girls had asked him if he would sit inside the vehicle and protect
it. He said they'd asked him if he would mind if they locked him in, and
he had agreed.
Labotski denied this, saying she did not ask anyone to sit inside the
vehicle.
Mathebe was earlier granted bail of R2 000, but remains in custody as he
could not pay. The trial was postponed to October for the evidence of
Labotski's friend.
The State also indicated that it might call an expert to testify on how
the locking system of the vehicle worked.
* *This article was originally published on page 1 of **Pretoria
News* <http://www.pretorianews.co.za/>* on October 01, 2008 *