Good night around the world

HOLLAND : Goeden nagt!
GERMANY : Gute Nacht!
AUSTRALIA : Night, Mate!
USA : Goodnite!
Are the doors locked, are the windows closed??
Did you pull in the cars and activate the alarms??
Are the rottweilers on their post??
Sleep tight, don't worry, Eskom will switch off the lights.


SA Crime stats

Last year's (reported) cime statistics have been released.

Good news: Instead of 54.3 murders PER DAY in the 2003/2004 period,
murders have declined to 49.7 murders PER DAY for the 2008/2009 period.

Oh, joy!


Soccer star's killer jailed

A South African court on Tuesday sentenced a man to life imprisonment
for the murder of lesbian footballer Eudy Simelane who was gang raped
and robbed in an attack last year.

The Delmas court, east of Johannesburg, sentenced the man to life for
the 31-year-old's murder, 20 years for being an accomplice to rape and
15 years for robbery, said Phumi Mtetwa of the Equality Project.

Two other men were acquitted of the attack on the well known lesbian
activist and former national women's football team player, whose body
was found in an open field in KwaThema township last April.

Themba Mvubu's conviction follows a 32 year sentence handed down in
February to a fourth accused who pled guilty to murder, robbery and
being an accomplice to rape but later retracted statements implicating
the other three.

Simelane's sexuality was ruled out in the first sentencing as a motive
in her killing but activists have linked the case to "corrective rape"
in which lesbians are targets of sexual violence.


In March, a new study by anti-poverty group Action Aid warned that South
African lesbians were suffering rapes by men trying to "cure" their

South Africa is one of the world's most violent societies with fresh
crime statistics released Tuesday showing a rise of sexual offences by
10,4 percent with 27 750 rapes committed in six months. - Sapa-AFP


Why we don't speak Dutch in South Africa


Summer is almost here!

Nothing like the thought of sunshine, a backyard braai, a cold beer
and maybe a SEXY blonde doing the braai!


Bunny of the month!

The fire in Mayfair

In Mayfair, Johannesburg a fire destroyed a block of flats.

A Nigerian family of six con-artists lived on the first floor, and all
six died in the fire.

An Islamic group of seven Somalian welfare cheats, all illegally in
the country, lived on the second floor, and they, too, all perished in
the fire.

Six local ex-cons lived on the 3rd floor and they too, died.

One white couple lived on the top floor. The couple survived the fire.

Hearing this on national news, Julius Malema and Zwelinzima Vavi were furious.
They flew into Jo'burg, teamed-up with Jacob Zuma and quickly demanded
a meeting with the Fire Chief.

On camera, they loudly demanded to know why the Blacks all died in the
fire and only the white couple lived.

The Fire Chief replied, "The whites were at work."

New spokesperson for a certain brand of chutney


Caster castigated

An anagram of "Caster Semenya" is "yes, a secret man".


"Anyone with needs to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at
the altar," the Preacher says.

Sipho gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: "
Sipho, what do you want me to pray about for you."

Sipho replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

The preacher puts one finger in  Sipho's ear, and he places the other
hand on top of  Sipho's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a
blue streak for Sipho.

After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and
asks, " Sipho, how is your hearing now?"

Sipho says, "I don't know, Reverend, it is only next Wednesday!"

Aikona Madam

A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of
her husband.
The maid replied, "Aikona, Madam! Baas, you know very well that I never
wear panties, just tell da madam."


Caster Semenya

I hear that Caster Semenya is giving up athletics and will now be
playing tennis in the mixed doubles section...


Homing pigeon faster than ADSL! (edited)

Johannesburg - Telkom says it cannot be blamed for slow broadband
services at a Durban-based company which claims a pigeon can carry its
data bundles faster.
Local news agency SAPA reported the 11-month-old pigeon, Winston, took
one hour and eight minutes to fly the 80km from Unlimited IT's offices
near Pietermaritzburg to the coastal city of Durban with a data card was
strapped to his leg.
Including downloading, the transfer took two hours, six minutes and 57
seconds - the time it took for only four percent of the data to be
transferred using a Telkom line.
SAPA said Unlimited IT performed the stunt after becoming frustrated
with slow Internet transmission times.
The company has 11 call-centres around the country and regularly sends
data to its other branches.
"Telkom would like to clarify that the company cannot be blamed for this
particular customer's lack of throughput speeds," Troy Hector, executive
of business sales and ICT business solutions, told SAPA in an email on
"Several recommendations have, in the past, been made to the customer
but none of these have, to date, been accepted. It must also be noted
that Telkom is not the customer's core service provider," said Hector.
The Unlimited company, which operates call centres, on Wednesday sent a
pigeon with a four gigabyte data card strapped to his legs from Howick
to Hillcrest in Durban.
At the same time, it started transmitting a four gigabyte file via ADSL.
In total, it took two hours, six minutes and 57 seconds for Winston the
pigeon to fly to Hillcrest and to upload the data from the card onto the
call centre system.
By that time, the ADSL transmission of the same data size was around
four percent complete.


'n Huis in Christiana

Cheap new pregnancy test for blacks

1. Insert banana into vagina.
2. Leave for 30 seconds, then remove.
3. If it's half-eaten, there's another fucking monkey on its way!
(received via SMS)




THE SOUTH AFRICAN FLAG - logic behind the colours

Looking at the National Flag of South Africa, have you ever wondered why
"BLUE" is not on the top and "RED" is at the bottom?

Here is the explanation:-

RED is the SUN (not the earth), so it's above;
BLUE is the SEA (not the sky) – therefore it's below;
GREEN represents the MIELIE FIELDS in the middle;
BLACK is the MAJORITY and,
YELLOW is the ELECTRIC FENCE keeping them away from the mielies!


Beware of prawns!

Parktown Prawns, that is...

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