Fwd: New Springbok Emblem for the New Year


Heppy Krismis

Never drink and drive


[Fwd: Hippo attack photos]

NELSPRUIT - The head of veterinary wildlife services of SANParks
stared into the jaws of death "last month" when a hippo he thought was
sound asleep, charged him.

Dr Markus Hofmeyr told a newspaper that he thought "it was tickets"
when the darted animal woke up. He was a member of a research team
that was testing a new anaesthetic for hippo in the Kruger National
Park. Colleague Dr Peter Buss, senior manager of the veterinary unit
in the park, took spectacular photos of the encounter with this
mammal, which is one of the most dangerous herbivores in Africa.

The incident took place just upstream of the Crocodile Bridge Camp, in
the Crocodile River. Hofmeyr, Buss and Dr Nico de Bruyn of the mammal
research institute of the University of Pretoria, were researching a
novel combination of drugs that can be administered by a dart to
anaesthetise hippo.

The hippo made another surge for the pair before both escaped unhurt.

A gamekeeper shot the hippo dead. Dr Hofmeyr said: "We think the hippo
was woken by water up its nose. We'll muzzle these animals in future."



[Fwd: Eskom workers trash power station]

Date: 13 July 2010 10:27
Subject: Medupi Power Station - Ellisras

The workers on site received free food parcels, every day.

There was an agreement with ESKOM that, after one year, they would be
receiving hot meals instead of food parcels. MPS-JV employees are now
upset at not receiving hot meals, as promised, and yesterday they
protested by throwing their food parcels at management!

Now you might get an idea why Eskom needed a couple of billions.

Daily thousands of employees at Medupi receive free food, on top of free
accommodation, transport, etc. And considering 900 000 people lost their
jobs last year, and how many millions of people are living in poverty
and don't know where their next meal is coming from... these photos just
explain it all!!!!


Fwd: Clear operating instructions


[Fwd: Service]

I became confused when I heard the word _'service'_ used with these

South African Revenue _'Service'_
Postal _'Service'_
Telephone _'Service'_
Municipal _'Service'_
Civil _'Service_'
South African Police _'Service'_
Customer _'Service'_

This is not what I thought 'service' meant.

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had
hired a bull to _'service'_ a few cows.

BAM!!! It all came into focus.

Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.

You are now as enlightened as I am!


Fwd: Baby Sipho

Young Sipho goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking.

He puts his hands in the flour and covers his head with it.

He says: "Eish mama, Ima white boy!"

His mother slaps him hard on the face and says, "Sipho, go show your
dad what you've done!!"

So he does, and his dad slaps him too. His granny happens to be right
next to his dad and she also slaps him vehemently in disgust.

Then Sipho's mom says, "And did you learn something from all this?"

Little Sipho shakes his head, crying and says, "I did. I've only been
a white boy for 5 minutes and I'm already shit scared of you blacks!"



Goeie môre .... Ons is tans nie tuis nie, maar laat asseblief 'n boodskap na
die toon. As jy een van ons kinders is, druk die nommer kind wat jy is en
druk dan een van die volgende nege opsies, sodat ons by ons terugkoms kan
weet wat ons moet doen:

1. As ons die kleinkinders moet kom oppas, druk 2
2. As julle ons kar wil leen, druk 3
3. As julle wil hê ons moet julle klere was en stryk, druk 4
4. As julle wil hê dat die kleinkinders by ons moet kom slaap, druk 5
5. As julle wil hê dat ons die kinders by die skool moet gaan haal,druk 6
6. As julle wil hê dat ons vir julle 'n maaltyd moet voorberei of dit
by julle huis aflewer, druk 7
7. As julle hier wil kom eet, druk 8
8. As julle geld nodig het, druk 9
9. As julle ons vir ete gaan nooi, of ons teater toe wil vat, begin
praat, ons luister.




Fwd: Afrikaans Motivationals


Fwd: Soen net my neus...


Dr. Simba can help

Smelling Vaginna? Big Vigina? Small penis? Ghosts and demons? AIDS?

Dr. Simba can treat.


JuJu vs. Nando's


[Fwd: Julius vs. Twitter]

The ANC Youth League on Thursday vowed to trace the "reactionary,
rightwing, white people" who impersonated its leader Julius Malema on
Twitter, but would not divulge how this would be done.

"We'll trace them... that is very possible to do," African National
Congress Youth League spokesman Floyd Shivambu told Sapa, in reaction to
at least 12 Malema impersonators existing on the social networking site.

"We are sure, when they get exposed, you will see it is white people.
Reactionary, rightwing, white people."

Asked how the tracing would be done, he replied: "We don't want to
expose our strategy on how we will get them. But we will get them and we
are going to report them to the police. It's fraud, this thing, it's
unacceptable, it's against the law."

Twitter users were in stitches on the social networking site on Thursday
morning following the news Malema wanted to close it down.

Tweets kept rolling in by the minute, with international news websites
such as BBC, also picking up on the story.

Most of the comments were about the ANCYL's poor spelling and grammar,
which included calling for the "closure of twitter" if its
administrators did not tighten up the system.


[Fwd: Blue Bull Bra]

Great support...

But no cup!!!!


[Fwd: Have a break...]


[Fwd: Only in South Africa]


[Fwd: Caterpillar Crossing]

This is the moment a group of tiny caterpillars formed an incredible
17ft long convoy to cross a road in the Kruger National Park.

Some 136 caterpillars made the single line and wriggled top-to-toe
across the road, linked by a thin silk thread which set their path.

And their safety-in-numbers approach had the desired effect as the
slow-moving convoy was easily seen by motorists, who were held up for 20
minutes as it made its way across.

The spectacle was captured on camera by British tourist Jamie Rooney,
who was visiting the famous Kruger National Park in South Africa.

Jamie, from High Wycombe, Bucks, was in a Jeep full of tourists when
their driver slammed the brakes just inches from the crawling
caterpillars. He said, 'It was an incredible sight. We were out driving
in Kruger National Park for a safari, when all of a sudden the driver
shouted out and slammed on his brakes.'

'He managed to stop just in time in front of this amazing trail of
caterpillars, which was stretching across the road.'

'Conservation is a massive deal in South Africa and the idea is that if
there is any living creature in the road you have to wait patiently
until it is safely across.'

'We got out to get a closer look and counted 136 caterpillars in convoy,
all moving together across the track.'

'They were following a very, very thin silk thread on the ground and it
took them about 20 minutes to get across the road safely.'

'Our guide had never seen it before, but he'd heard about it and
explained they were migrating into the bush where they would disperse.'

'It's like the mass migration of bigger animals like wildebeest, but on
a different scale and pace.'

'When they arrive in the bush, they turn into chrysalis and then

'It's a rare sight. It was an absolute joy to watch and a great
experience to be able to get down close and see it first hand.'


[Fwd: South African Monopoly]


[Fwd: ‘Penis killers’ get 205 years]

Two former policemen found guilty of murder in an apparent argument
about genitals have been sentenced on Wednesday to 205 years in prison
by the Durban High Court.

Judge Guido Penzhorn sentenced Brian Steven to 115 years for four counts
of murder and one count of attempted murder.

Leon Steven was sentenced to 90 years in jail for four counts of murder
and one of attempted murder.

On September 10, 2008 the Steven brothers shot dead Shawn Strydom, 32,
Nic Jansen van Rensburg, 47, Rory Menzies, 41 and Bruce Edwards, 57.

There had apparently been an argument over the size of a patron's
genitals at the Merseyside Pub in Umbilo. - Sapa


[Fwd: Dear Sis Dolly...]

A reader, to the DAILY SUN:

Dear Sis Dolly:

I am a very charming man in his late 60s and married with 3 wives and
have 20 kids. My most recent child is from a relationship with a 39 year
old super-hot and gorgeous woman. We are very compatible and I think she
is she "special one" but there is one challenge, i.e. she happened to be
a daughter to a friend of mine but I would like to wed her too.

However, I don't want to be the cause of any beef between me and my friend.

Please help.



Response from Dolly:

"Voetsek Jacob, I know it's you!"


Fwd: There's ALWAYS a way!


[Fwd: Why 9/11 wasn't pulled off by coloureds]


Originally: "Why coloureds can't be terrorists" - by MARK LOTTERING


- Ons is altyd laat. We would have missed all four flights.

- We talk loud and would bring attention to ourselves.

- Met free kos en cooldrink oppie plane, we'll sommer forget why we're
there in the first place.

- We praat with our hands, so we'll continually be putting down the weapons.

- We would ALL want to fly the freaking plane, ending up in a moerse
fight with each other.

- We'll argue and start a fight in the terminal before we even get on
the plane and one of us is bound to say out loud, "Gaan kak man! Dan
hijack jy die fokken plane alleen!!"

- Ons kannie 'n secret hou nie. We would have told everyone a week
before doing it, telling them, "Moet vir niemand se nie, ho!"

- We would have all lined up to get our picture taken by one of the

- When we enter the cockpit, we would have used the intercom system for
a karaoke session, with one doos trying to sing 'I did it my way'.

- We would first rob everyone of their Ray-Bans, cellphones and gold
teeth just before we crash the plane.

- Our whole freaking family plus neighbours would have been at the
airport to see us off, crying their bleddie eyes out, and your mother
saying to the white ou next to her, "I'm so proud of him. It's the first
time he's hijacking a plane!"

- We would have dressed like terrorists for our airport go-way clothes:
balaclavas, jumpsuits, karate skoentjies, dark glasses, en 'n moerse

- Two of us would have forgotten our passports at home...

- Three of us would have overweight luggage.

- All of us would have luggage.

- We would have wanted to watch the in-flight movie first.

- Before we went into action, we would have all queued up at the toilet
to first gel our hair.

- We would have taken the plane for a joyride past Strandfontein
Pavillion first, played the music at full blast and then try to park the
plane someplace where the chicks could see us...


Disclaimer from http://www.marclottering.com

An email is once again being circulated entitled WHY COLOUREDS CAN'T BE
TERRORISTS. The chain email cites Marc as the author. This is false.

Marc never wrote this piece and we have no idea who did.

If you have the misfortune of having received the email, please spread
the word that it is fraudulent and that it has nothing to do with Marc

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Any part of the content or the blog may be reproduced without prior written permission... ons gee nie 'n fok om nie!