Afrikaanse grappies


Wat is brandende liefde?
Dis wanneer jy in die donker die Vaseline soek en die Vicks raakvat!


Gatiep en Maraai stap uit Spar uit met 'n pram.
Maraai kyk in die pram en skree: "DISSIE VERKEERDE kind!!!''
Gatiep se: " Hou jou bek man, dit is 'n beter pram!"


Dominee sê: "Laat ons bid vir die siekes." Ou oom sit sy hand op sy
gulp. Tannie gluur hom aan en se: "Hy bid vir die siekes, nie vir die
opstanding van die dooies nie."


Klein Liesbet wat 5 word verjaar.
Ouma vra wat wil sy he vir haar verjaarsdag.

"Die Pil Ouma".
Ouma kry amper 'n hartaanval en vra geskok: "Hoekom?"
Liesbet: "Ek het nou 10 poppe, genoeg is genoeg!"


Witbank Limo

P!nk van BRAKPAN


Garage door kills intruder

Murray Williams
June 25 2008 at 12:29PM

A Cape Town man has described his shock at finding a dead man trapped
under his electric garage door on Tuesday.

Alan Roodt, of Blaauwberg Road in Table View, told the Cape Argus on
Wednesday that he had been sleeping at about 1.45pm on Tuesday - he
works the night shift - when he was woken by his dog's barking.

"My dog just kept on and on," he said. "I have a side door to the
garage. I went in and saw this okie (guy) trapped under the door.

"He was lying on his stomach and the door had trapped him halfway up his
back. Obviously he couldn't breathe but there were no screams, nothing.
Weird. It was quite something else."

Roodt said the man, dressed in a tracksuit top, a white T-shirt, jeans,
black shoes and a blue cap, appeared to be dead.

Roodt immediately alerted the Metro Police, who, on their arrival,
confirmed that the man was dead.

Roodt said that his son's bicycle had been moved and that police
believed the man may have been trying to steal it.

Police said today that the man, 31, had been identified, but could not
be named as his next-of-kin had not yet been traced.

* *This article was originally published on page 1 of **Cape Argus*
<http://www.capeargus.co.za/>* on June 25, 2008 *


Post Office blacklisted

Rampant theft by Post Office workers has infuriated internet retailing
giant Amazon so much that it will no longer send goods to South Africa
by post, Business Day has reported.

Anyone wanting to order directly from the US-based website must now pay
for a private courier service adding about R420 to the price of a DVD.

No one from the Post Office would comment.

No other African country's postal service had been blacklisted by
Amazon, Business Day said. - Sapa


Plucky rape victim, 13, back at school

Less than a day after she was kidnapped and raped, a 13-year-old
Soshanguve girl was back at school.

On Sunday night a man dragged the girl, a Grade 6 pupil, to a shack and
raped her.

The girl's mother on Tuesday said the man kept the girl in his shack
overnight. It is believed he raped her twice.

The girl was rescued by community members the following morning.

She went to the clinic before school on Tuesday for a medical
examination, and was given antiretroviral treatment.

The 32-year-old suspect is believed to be part of a gang.

This article was originally published on page 2 of Pretoria
News* <http://www.pretorianews.co.za/> on June 11, 2008


Xenophobia, part 2

The bloodbath is over, apparently all quiet on the southern front.

The death toll has reached 62 (some people take longer to die). The
"Burning Man" has been identified and buried (35-year old Ernesto
Nhamuave of Mozambique). Zimbabwean billionaires who remain less than
optimistic about their own country's blossoming future and negligible
inflation rate continue to find holes in the border fence and flock to
South Africa in droves. "'There has been a clear increase in the number
of Zimbabweans trying to cross the border illegally into South Africa
since the March 29 election', the SA National Defence Force said."

Ill-managed (if at all) refugee camps have been set up, with
neighbouring squatters complaining that the foreigners they tried to
kill or evict are now receiving better treatment and housing
(UN-sponsored tents) than those native to South Africa. "Displaced
people have travelled from as far afield as Durban and Cape Town - some
even by plane - to become part of the camp in Klerksoord near Rosslyn,
and be registered by the United Nations."

Meanwhile, Somalis stranded in the Soetwater refugee camp claim
otherwise, citing depression and hunger as a reason for jumping into the
Atlantic Ocean to drown their fears of repatriation.

As for the motive behind the madness, there are some reports and
theories that claim there's a supposed "third force" at work which
attempts to undermine the South African government. Yeah, sure! It's
just a couple of German football-mad neo-nazi right-wing AWB-sympathetic
hooligans down south of the Limpopo who simply want to delay the
building of the infrastructure that'll eventually host the 2010 FIFA
World Cup so that it'll default back to being hosted in Deutschland once
more and they can re-live their "Sommermärchen" from 2006 and boost the
local economy.

"Black-on-black violence"?

Actually, "it's broke-on-broke violence," US actor-comedian Chris Rock
said at a news conference in South Africa. "It's broke people robbing
each other. That's the sad thing."

"Analysts say the attacks partly reflect rising frustration among locals
who have watched foreigners - some of them in the country illegally -
take jobs because they are either prepared to accept less pay or are
better qualified."

It's poverty that causes xenophobia, just like poverty (not HIV) that is
responsible for AIDS. They're all rumours, of course... the ANC, under
the capable leadership of Jacob Zuma and sometimes President Thabo
Mbeki, has everything under control.

Alan Paton is probably rotating in his grave, crying "Fuck this beloved

South Africa has lost its mind. Blame the brain drain. Or apartheid.
Blame anything, as long as you can blame something other than your own


The weakest link

In response to the popularity of "The Weakest Link", Kyknet will be
launching an Afrikaans version.

After many months of creative brainstorming, they have managed to come
up with a catchy version of "You are the weakest link - goodbye."

The producers have settled on what will surely become a popular phrase,
applicable to many other situations, too: "Jy's dof - fokof!"

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Any part of the content or the blog may be reproduced without prior written permission... ons gee nie 'n fok om nie!