2009-08-31

Sword attack case held up by taxi go-slow

The sentencing of a schoolboy for killing a fellow student with a sword
was temporarily postponed in the High Court in Johannesburg on Monday
due to a **taxi protest**.
Proceedings in the sentencing of Morne Harmse were delayed as the
stenographer was not able to get to work on time due to a taxi go-slow
to **protest against the introduction of the Bus Rapid Transit (BRT)
system** which was launched on Sunday.
The Krugersdorp schoolboy killed 16-year-old Jacques Pretorius with an
ornamental Samurai sword at the Nic Diederichs Technical High School on
the West Rand last August.

Malema wants hate speech complaint quashed

By Karyn Maughan

Julius Malema does not think he needs to take the stand to explain his
remarks that President Jacob Zuma's rape accuser enjoyed herself with him.
And the ANC Youth League President wants the hate speech complaint
against him by the Sonke Gender Justice Network to be quashed - without
him having to take the stand to defend himself.
Malema's attorney Tumi Mokwena this morning told the Johannesburg
Equality Court that the evidence led against his client by Sonke
advocacy head Mbuyiselo Botha and rape expert Lisa Vetten did not
require Malema to answer it.
Malema sat cross-armed and silent as his attorney brought an application
for "absolution from the instance" in the complaint against him.
Sonke laid a hate speech, harassment and discrimination charge against
Malema after he told a gathering of Cape Peninsula University of
Technology students that **when a woman didn't enjoy sex, she would
leave early in the morning.**
* For the full story, see *The Star* <http://www.thestar.co.za/> newspaper.

2009-08-28

Van toeka tot nou

2009-08-26

If the presidents were females...

2009-08-24

Various bra types

The underwire bra is designed to provide additional lift.
Underwire can be found in many different styles of bras.
Some women swear by their underwire and others find them very
uncomfortable. One way to determine if this is a style of bra that will
work for you is to give it a try...

Underwire bra - from Paris




vs.

Underwire bra - from Brakpan

2009-08-23

"Little Richard" Khumalo

Michael Jackson is alive and well...

...and working as a gardener in Houghton.

2009-08-21

Tax explained

A South African spin to an old story so Blacks can understand what
happens to taxes, tax cuts and what happens when Whites leave:

Suppose there are ten men who go to dinner every night. Six of them are
Black, one Coloured, one Indian and two Whites. The one White guy is
middleclass and the other is rich. If they paid their bill the way we
pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The bill comes to R1000, but four Blacks pay nothing, they eat for free
every night. Two Blacks pay a share of R20 and R30 each. The Coloured
guy pays R100, the Indian pays R150, the middle class White guy pays
R200 and the rich White guy pays R500.

Everything went well. The ten men ate happily every night until one day
the restaurant owner said that they were such good customers he was
going to give them a break so he reduced the bill with R200. (In tax
language a tax cut).

So the first four Black guys were basically unaffected by this and still
ate for free, but the six others started thinking about how they would
split the R200 cut in the Bill so everyone would get his fair share.

R200 divided by six would mean R33.33 each. But if they subtracted that
from everybody's share, then the two paying Blacks would end up being
PAID to eat their meal. So the restaurant owner suggested that it would
be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he
proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

So the first paying Black guy that night only had to pay R16, the second
paying Black guy only paid R24, the coloured guy paid R80, the Indian
guy R120, the middleclass White guy paid R160 and the rich White guy
paid R400 instead of his usual R500. Each of the original six paying
ones were better off than before. The first four Black guys still got
their meal for free.

But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

The first paying black said he only got R4 from the R20. The second
Black guy said he only saved R6. The Coloured and the Indian guys were a
bit grumpy that they only got R20 and R30 off their usual bill, but
otherwise they were happy that they paid less that night.

"Wait a minute," yelled the first four Black men in unison, "We didn't
get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"

The Blacks looked at the middle class White guy who got R40 from the
R200 discount and the rich White guy who got a whopping R100 and they
became bitter about it.

So the six Blacks surrounded the two White guys, beat them up and stole
what they had on them.

The next night the men met again for dinner, but noticeably absent were
the two White men who decided to go to another restaurant and not eat
with them anymore.

At first nobody missed the two White guys and they all sat down and ate
without them, but then the bill came and to their horror they discovered
that they were now R560 short of paying their bill. Imagine that!

And that dear fellows... is how it works when you tax White people to
death, beat them up and steal from them. They will just not show up at
the table anymore and will just decide to go have dinner somewhere else,
which means that you will be on your own and will have to pay all the
bills yourself, and there will be no more free lunches, you will catch
rats and scratch in dustbins just like in Zimbabwe after the Whites have
left.

2009-08-20

Online Dating - Sandton Style

Die lewe is 'n kaaskrul...

2009-08-19

Nataniel se lewensreels

- Wees dankbaar vir wat jy het.
- Wees lief vir jou gesin en familie.
- Moenie toelaat dat jou brein muf nie!
- Moenie op loop gaan met skuldgevoelens nie. Sort die kak uit.
- Lewe terwyl jy nog lewe het.
- Geniet die eenvoudige dinge. Die "image goed" is 'n pot snot
- Eet wat jy wil - fok "diet". As jy gewig moet verloor vreet minder en
kak meer.
- Vermy bedompige gyms wat stink na Juppy aftershave en duur walglike
soet parfuum (om die sweet ruik te verbloem), waar perverts, saadsokkies
en hooterneuse in snaakse "futuristic outfits" uithang en soos hamsters
gemonteerde fietse sit en trap. Jy hoef niemand te "impress" nie. (Fok
die "ek gaan gym toe " sê-ding). As jy moet oefening kry, ry 'n gewone
fiets, gaan stap langs die see of in die veld - doen iets in die
buitelug. Moet net nie in die strate op en af draf nie, dis "common".
- As jy hou van 'n "no- brand" T-Shirt, kledingstuk of wat ook al, koop
die ding en fok die name goed wat jy in elk geval nie kan bekostig nie –
solank jy gemaklik is daarmee. Stront met dié wat dink hulle is beter as
ander en gedurig lyk of hulle kak ruik omdat jy nie by hulle siek
plastic" wêreld wil inpas nie.
- Wees windgat oor jou huis, dit behoort aan jou, die bank se moer.
- Wees windgat oor jou kar hy's klaar betaal en fok dié wat in moerse
karre ry en nie kan bekostig om ordentlik te braai nie.
- Lag dikwels, lag lank en lekker.

2009-08-18

2010 Bookings now open for Alexandra Hotel

Just thought you might want to start with booking arrangements for the
2010 World Cup...

Obama Hair Cut - YES WE CAN

2009-08-17

Die Hoff is terug!!

2009-08-15

Understanding SA women

2009-08-14

Luister as jou ma met jou praat!

Ek het mos gesê: "Loop LANGS my!!!"

2009-08-13

Dankbaar

DAAR IS ELKE DAG IETS OM VOOR DANKBAAR TE WEES.

VANDAG KAN ONS DANKBAAR WEES DAT DIE FOTOGRAAF NIE AAN DIE ANDER KANT
GESTAAN HET NIE.

2009-08-12

Oefen program

Vir die wat al vantevore gesukkel het om te begin met n oefen program!

Vir my 37ste verjaarsdag het my dierbare vriend, Werner, vir my 'n week
by Virgin Active gekoop… met 'n persoonlike afrigter.
Alhoewel ek nog n redelike goeie lyf het,van al die jare se swem vir die
Universiteit span… 18 jaar gelede, het ek besluit dit mag 'n goeie idée
wees om te gaan.
Ek het die gym gekontak en 'n afspraak gemaak met my persoonlike
afrigter, Steve. Hy het my vertel hy is 26 jaar oud, 'n spinning
instructor en n underwear-model.
Werner was baie beindruk met my entoesiasme om te begin oefen! Die gym
het my aangemoedig om 'n dagboek te hou van my vordering:
*MAANDAG*:
My dag begin 06h00. Baie moeilik om so vroeg op te staan, was beslis die
moeite werd toe ek by die gym aankom en Steve sien wag vir my.
Hy is n Griekse God met blonde hare, smeulende oe, 'n gespierde lyf en
die mooiste glimlag wat ek nog gesien het!!
Woo Hoo……!!
Hy het my hartklop gemonitor na 5 minute op die treadmill. Was bekommerd
oor my vinnige hartklop, ek het hom gerus gestel en verduidelik die rede
daarvoor was omdat hy langs my gestaan het in sy stywe oefen klere. Hy
het my aangemoedig terwyl ek sit-ups gedoen het, al was my pens al klaar
so seer van die heeltyd inhou terwyl Steve naby my was. Was baie
inspirerend om hom te sien buk om strek oefeninge te doen!!
Gaan n FANTASTIESE week wees, kan nie wag vir môre nie!!
*DINSDAG*:
Ek moes hele pot koffie gedrink het, maar het wel uiteindelik die huis
verlaat. Steve het my maak op my rug lê en n yster paal in die lug hou
bo my gesig… en toe sit hy gewigte ook op die paal!! My bene was baie
bewerig op die treadmill, ek het amper 'n hele 5 minute gedoen. Steve se
mooi glimlag het dit die moeite werd gemaak!
Ek voel WONDERLIK!! Dit is n nuwe lewe vir my!
*WOENSDAG*:
Die enigste manier om my tande te borsel, was om die tandeborsel op die
wasbak te sit en my mond heen en weer te beweeg daaroor. Ek dink altwee
my tiet spiere is geskeur!! Om te bestuur was oraait, solank ek nie hoef
te gedraai het of briek te trap nie. Ek het bo-op iemand se motor fiets
gestop by die gym. Steve was baie kortaf met my, het aangedring dat my
gegillery pla die ander mense in die gym. Sy stem is gans en al te
'perky' so vroeg in die more. Hy irriteer my!
My bors brand as ek op die treadmill klim, so Steve het my laat oefen op
die 'stair monster'. Vir wat de fok sal iemand 'n masjien maak wat jou
laat dink jy klim trappe? Niemand klim meer trappe nie, dis hoekom ons
huisbakke het. Steve reken dit sal my help om n sexy lyf te kry en hy
het ook n klomp ander kak gesê.
*DONDERDAG*:
Steve het vir my gewag met sy Doberman-tande wat by sy dun lippies uit
gesteek het. Ek kon nie help dat ek 'n half uur laat was nie, dit is hoe
lank dit my geneem het om my tekkies vas te maak. Steve het my laat
oefen met dumbbells. Toe hy nie gekyk het nie, het ek gaan weg kruip in
die mans toilet.
Vir my straf het my op die 'rowing' masjien gesit…ek het gesink!!
*VRYDAG*:
Ek haat daai doos Steve so baie. Dink nie een mens het al ooit 'n ander
mens so baie gehaat in die hele geskiedenis van die wereld nie.
Onnosele, maergat, anoreksiese ottergevreet!. As daar 'n deel van my lyf
was wat nie onophoudelik gepyn het nie, sou ek hom daarmee gemoer het.
Steve wou gehad het ek moes werk aan my triceps. Ek het nie fokken
triceps nie!
En as hy nie gate in die vloer wou gehad het nie, dan moes hy nie vir my
die donnerse barbells gegee het nie. Of enige iets wat swaerder as 'n
toebroodjie is nie!
Die treadmill het my afgegooi en ek het op my gesig geval.
*SATERDAG*:
Steve het 'n boodskap op my selfoon gelos in sy rasperige stem wat my
oordromme laat bloei het. Wou weet hoekom ek nie kom oefen het nie. Toe
ek hom hoor wou ek my selfoon stukkend gooi, maar ek het niks krag gehad
nie. Alles het gepyn! Al wat ek kon doen was om my pinkie te gebruik om
die tv remote te druk. Het heeldag soapies gekyk.
*SONDAG*:
Die kerk se bussie gaan my kom oplaai vir die diens. Gaan om dankie te
sê dat die week verby is en om te bid dat, Werner (die fokker) vir my n
beter geskenk sal gee volgende jaar!

2009-08-11

Speeding Ticket for a parked car??

...and what's with the R250 discount?!

2009-08-08

Now there's a revelation!

Better late than never...

Brief aan sielkundige

AS JY OOIT GEDINK HET JOU LEWE IS COMPLICATED, DINK WEER...

Liewe Dokter : Help Asb !!!!

My pa en ek woon saam en ons het 'n radio en 'n TV. Hy is 'n wewenaar
en ek is ongetroud. Onder ons woon 'n weduwee en haar dogter, albei
baie mooi en sonder 'n radio of TV. Hulle kom kuier gereeld by ons en
ek raak toe verlief op die weduwee. Ons trou toe uiteindelik.

 Intussen raak my pa verlief op die dogter en hulle trou toe ook.
Net daar begin my probleme. Omdat my pa met die dogter van my vrou
getroud is, (ook my dogter), is my dogter nou my ma. Ek is ook
terselfdertyd haar pa, omdat ek met haar ma getroud is. Verder is my
pa my vrou se skoonseun en ek is dus sy skoonpa omdat ek met die ma
van sy vrou getroud is.

Toe kry my vrou 'n seuntjie. Dit is ook my seun en die broer van my
skoondogter, omdat sy die dogter van my vrou is. Die seuntjie is ook
ek en my pa se swaer. Ek is dus my eie seun se neef en ook die neef
van my skoondogter, omdat sy my seun se suster is. Daarom is my
skoonma ook my tannie.

Toe kry my pa se vrou ook 'n seuntjie en hy word dus my broer. My seun
is oom van my kleinkind, omdat hy die broer van my dogter is. My vrou
is sy ouma grootjie, want sy is die kind van haar dogter. Ek is dus sy
oupa grootjie. Aangesien die oupa grootjie van my broer ook myne is,
is ek dus my eie oupa grootjie!

 Dokter moet asb help, wie is ek nou eintlik ?
Groete Gert

2009-08-05

Update of Today's Survival Tip

When catching a lift with the delivery guy give him the long directions
home. After 45 minutes you will get the pizza and the lift for free!!!

Meet your new Chief of Police!

Is he the right man for the job of "Commissioner of Police"??!!!!!

Today's Survival Tip

Today's Survival Tip:

Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest Debonairs,
place an order, and when they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.

2009-08-01

Die droogte in die Karoo

Die droogte in die Karoo het so erg geword dat daar niks meer oor is van
Oom Sarel se plaas nie. Hy het al sy beeste laat slag, al sy skape
verkoop. Die veld is so droog soos hy dit nog nooit in sy 65 jaar gesien
het nie.
Die plaaswerkers het verlede maand getrek om te gaan kyk of hulle nie
kan werk kry in Zimbabwe nie, so sleg het dit gegaan. Oom Sarel sit een
oggend op die stoep, verby moedeloos.
Skielik kom daar 'n helikopter oorgevlieg. Nog nooit tevore het hy 'n
helikopter gesien nie. Hy kyk die helikopter so, draai na Tant Sarie en
se vir haar: "Daar fokof die windpomp ook nou!"

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