Son kills mother with spear

A 45-year-old man has allegedly murdered his mother with a spear in
Willowvale, Queenstown, Eastern Cape police said on Tuesday.
Captain Lingisile Magama said the man, also suspected of being mentally
ill, arrived home on Monday night armed with a spear.
He found his 60-year-old mother and told her he was looking for his
sister. He allegedly told her he wanted to kill her.
After his mother told him that his sister had not arrived home the man
went to a nearby bus stop to wait for her.
The mother followed him and tried to reason with him, but he would not
listen. She eventually asked him to kill her instead of her daughter,
which he did.- Sapa


It's not possible to beat 10 out of 10 (edited)

By Nontobeko Mtshali
A distinction in one matric subject at the end of the year is great.
Three is even better. Ten distinctions in all 10 subjects is almost
beyond comprehension.
Kyle Hanck, an 18-year-old from St John's College, a private school in
Johannesburg, did just that.
Kyle is one of 15 matriculants who achieved a "full house" - an A in
every subject - at the school.
As required by the school, Kyle had to do sport and cultural activities.
He also did music, which required hours of practice, and has done 150
hours of community service in the six years he has been at St John's.
Kyle, who wants to do a business science degree at the University of
Cape Town in 2009, said he managed to juggle his studies and extramural
activities because of "effective time management".

* *This article was originally published on page 1 of **The Star*
<http://www.thestar.co.za/>* on December 30, 2008 *

Babe of the day

Charlize Theron


Robbery in progress? So what!

By Mooketsi Nthite
Police have again been accused of failing to assist members of the
public after burglars broke into a Silverton home early on Thursday morning.
Silverton resident Vincent Koorts woke up at about 2.30am after he heard
two intruders in his home.
He was unable to call the police as his cellphone was in the same room
as the intruders.
Koorts snuck out to his next door neighbours to call the Silverton
police station, which is within walking distance from his house.
"I called the police when the actual burglary was in progress."
By the time police arrived on the scene two hours later, the suspects
were long gone.
Vincent's wife Yvonne claimed that the police officers were careless in
collecting evidence.
"There were many fingerprints left behind but no one took them," she said.
Silverton police spokesperson Captain Jan Sepato said they would look
into the allegations.
This article was originally published on page 3 of Pretoria News
<http://www.pretorianews.co.za/>* on December 19, 2008


SA National Road Network


You are proudly South African when...

- You call a bathing suit a 'swimming costume'.
- You call a traffic light a 'robot'.
- You call an elevator a 'lift'.
- You call a hood a 'bonnet'.
- You call a trunk a 'boot'.
- You call a pickup truck a 'bakkie'.
- You call a barbeque a 'braai'.
- The employees dance in front of the building to show how unhappy they are.
- The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the programme you just
finished watching.
- You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is 'Arctic
- You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you've never had any.
- You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have no
idea what it means in any of them.
- You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela.
- You go to braais regularly, where you eat boerewors and swim,
sometimes simultaneously.
- You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's license when stopped
by a traffic officer.
- You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement.
- You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car.
- Still, you're genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find
your car parked where you left it.
- When you are a victim of crime and say: 'At least I'm still alive'.
- You know a taxi can move twice its certified number of people in one trip.
- You travel 100's of kilometers just to see a snow fall.
- You know the rules of Rugby better than any referee.
- To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750.
- More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election.
- Our people have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty,
Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence, Given,
Patience, Portion, and Coronation.
- 'Now now' or 'just now' can mean anything from a minute to a month.
- You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make
way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction.
- Travelling at 120 km/h you're the slowest vehicle on the highway/freeway.
- A bullet train is being introduced, but we can't fix potholes.
- The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines
and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday.
- You paint your car's registration number on its roof.
- You paint your street number on your house's roof.
- You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a
government hospital.
- You have to prove that you don't need a loan to get one.
- Prisoners go on strike.
- You don't stop at a red robot, in case somebody hijacks your car.
- (as advised by the police, no less).
- You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once.
- Rwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is
too high.
- You actually understand these jokes (but they ARE true!) and pass them
on to other friends from SA.


Cape Flats Lullaby

Hush my laaitie don't you cry
Daddy's gonna steal you a GTi,
And if that GTi don't Torque
Another GTi, I will stalk.
And if the stalking don't go to well
Daddy's gonna steal you a Caravelle
And if that Caravelle makes some tricks
Daddy's gonna jack you a VR6.
And if that VR6 won't fly
Daddy's gonna knock a BM from a Sandton guy.
And if that BM's sound is kwaai
Da Lenz cherries will go with you to elke braai!
And if the cops ask why ?
Daddy will buy the docket from a Police spy!
And if all these things still make you cry
Then you're not my laaitie
........ your mom told me a lie !!


Wat noem jy iemand...


SA life expectancy worse than Iraq

November 14 2008 at 06:03AM

The life expectancy of South Africans is lower than the average in
Africa and that of war-ravaged Iraq, a UN Population Fund report showed.
The data is contained in a report on the state of the world population
in 2008 which was released by the United Nations Population Fund on Tuesday.
Beeld newspaper reported that, worldwide, men are expected to live until
65 and women until almost 70.
But in Africa, men are expected to live until 52 and women until 54.
In South Africa, the life expectancy for men is 49 and for women 50.
In Iraq, those figures are 58 and 62 for men and women respectively.
The report also showed that the number of illiterate South African men
is more than double than those in Zimbabwe.
Illiteracy among South African men over 15-years-old is 16 percent as
opposed to 7 percent in Zimbabwe, Beeld said. - Sapa




Baie dankies vir die oulike onderbroekies wat Ma vir my op die plaas uit
meelsakkies gemaak het. Die meeste van hulle het groot reaksie by die
"Gooste" hier by die varsity uitgelok.
Sannie het my onderbroekie heel aand net stip gesit en bekyk dis nou
daai een waar voorop staan "SELF-RAISING". Heel aand nie 'n oog verroer
nie. Sy het lateraand net gesê "Dit werkie !" Wat nie werkie, weet ek
nou noggie.
Maar Magriet het haar nou die aand geniet toe ek die een aangehad het
waar voorop staan " ROL DUN UIT" . Sy is 'n handvol en was nogal
plesierig. Maar jislaaik is sy nogal rats met daai ou klein handjies van
Al bogger-op wat ek nou nog nie kan verstaan nie, is die klap wat Berta
my gegee het gisteraand. Sy verstaan seker nie watse moeite dit is om so
'n plaasonderbroek te maak nie. Ek het net 'n uur gekuier en toe ek met
my ander onderbroek wou spog, haak sy af en klap my van die bed af. Ma
weet mos dis daai een waar in rooi staan "IDEAAL VIR VETKOEKE"
Weet nou nog nie wat haar storie was nie, sal hom maar eers bêre !
Any-way, Ma ,laat dit lekker gaan op die plaas !!
Van ou Pietie


Sipho in die hemel ...

Sipho kom by die hemel en sien hy is innie kak want alles is WIT.
Die mense is WIT, die engele is WIT, die wolke is WIT.
Petrus vra vir Sipho: "Wat's jou naam?"
Sipho dink vinnig en antwoord: "Leonardo De Caprio !"
Petrus lyk confused en roep vir Moses nader en vra hom: "Moses, het
die Titanic gebrand of gesink?"


Nosy cow!

By Oris Mnisi and Tshwareloeseng Mogakane

It was like the proverbial bull in a china shop when a cow ran wildly
through an Mpumalanga shopping centre with a small dog attached to her

Witnesses said the dog - possibly a mix between a terrier and a corgi,
or even a sausage dog - had latched onto the cow's nose after finding
her grazing in his owner's vegetable garden.

The beast kicked and mooed - and ran, with the dog attached to her
snout, through the Thulamahashe shopping complex.

"The cow was kicking and bulldozing almost every object in its way as it
ran through the shops. She was desperately trying to get rid of the dog,
but couldn't," said security guard Vusi Shabangu on Wednesday.

He said it was like a battle between David and Goliath, and the guards
had to lock themselves up in their office to escape the wrath of the cow.

"When we first saw the dog we thought it was a plastic bag, but when the
cow got closer we saw it was dog hanging tight while the cow was bleeding."

The cow ran mad, shattering glass and spilling blood all over the place.

The police were called to try to rescue the cow.

"Luckily, somebody knew where the dog came from and we called one of the
family members," said Mhala police spokesperson Constable Robert Makhubela.

The dog released the cow when it heard the family member's voice.

Makhubela said none of the tenants at the complex laid charges of
malicious damage to property.

Centre manager Nomsa Ngomane said damage amounted to over R2 000. -
African Eye News Service

This article was originally published on page 2 of The Star on November
06, 2008


Fwd: The most dangerous city... [summarised]

November 05 2008 at 06:51AM

By Louise Flanagan

You are more likely to die on the roads in Joburg than anywhere else in
South Africa, but Cape Town is the most unsafe city.

That's what this year's Medical Research Council report on
injury-related deaths reveals.

The National Injury Mortality Surveillance System (NIMSS) report is
produced every year and is based on information from mortuaries, state
forensic chemistry laboratories and courts. It counts non-natural deaths.

The report, released today, estimates that 43 out of every 100 000
people in Joburg died on the roads last year.

That means the chances of dying on the roads in Joburg are higher than
the chances of being murdered in Gauteng - police statistics estimated
that 38 people per 100 000 were murdered in the province last year.

"With an injury mortality rate of 144,9 deaths per 100 000 population,
as well as a violence rate of 63,5 per 100 000, Cape Town is the most
unsafe among the four largest cities," the report states.

Suicide rates are also highest in Joburg, at 14 per 100 000 people.

The police, using reported crimes nationwide, counted about 18 500
murders last year.

* *This article was originally published on page 3 of **The Star*
<http://www.thestar.co.za/>* on November 05, 2008 *


Alexandra's Rat

A rat recently killed in Alexandra near Sandton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Have you been nailed lately?


We need your vote!

I usually don't pass along these 'add your name' lists, but this
one is too important.

To show your support for Jacob Zuma and encourage him on his run for
president, please add your name to the rapidly growing list below and
send it on.

1. Julius Malema
2. ..........


Incest in my food?


South African police in training

I feel much safer already...


Parrot oldies

An African walks into the doctor's with a parrot on his head...

The doctor says: "Okay, what can I do for you?"

And the parrot says: "Can you get this blackhead off my foot!?!"


Sipho walks into a bar in Bondi Beach, Australia with a parrot
on his shoulder.

Barman says: "That's awesome mate! Where did you get it from?"

The parrot says: "Africa... there's fucking millions of them!"

Fwd: Om te poep is nie 'n sonde nie....

Om te poep ...
is nie 'n sonde nie....
deur A G Visser

O, gonna ek hoop dis die einde van die kerk
Ek kan nie meer sit nie my maag wil werk
Die dominee praat lank en die son sit laag
Die vreeslikste pyne kruip rond in my maag

Eers word ek warm, en dan weer koud
Nog nooit in my lewe was ek al so benoud
Dominee, Dominee praat tog klaar
My rug trek krom die gort is gaar
Dit knal en dit kraak en my derms kreun
Toe los ek 'n poep wat die gallery laat dreun
Die mense kyk om en ek bloos my bloedrooi
Die skaamste van almal was Sannie, my nooi.

Die dominee bly stil sy oe omgedop
Die vrou agter my se hoed sit skeef op haar kop
Kort agter die hakke van die stereo klank
Volg die gemeente se reaksie op die vreeslike stank
Party begin te hoes, en ander te proes
Ander weer waai met sakdoeke woes
My oe traan, my kop die sak
Toe kom die vrees dat ek in my broek sal kak

Sowaar as wragtig net die volgende keer
Is dit toe presies wat moes gebeur
Ek dag dis 'n poep want die drukking is kwaai
Te laat besef ek dis 'n ander lawaai

Geskok na die gerommel soos 'n donderstorm
Kom ek agter die poep het 'n knopperige vorm
Die dominee bly stil en gluur my aan
'n ouderling begin woedend sy weg na my baan

Ek spring met mening op om weg te hol
Maar word teruggetrek deur 'n tienpond drol
Die ouderling kom nader sy arms bak
Ek skrik so groot dat ek 'n groter bol kak

My broek is nat en die pype staan wyd
so het ek my laas as kind beskyt
Die ouderling gryp my, ek kan nie beweeg
Toe maak ek vir 'spite' die res op hom leeg

Nou is hy woedend en soos 'n bees so sterk
Hy 'free wheel' my kop tussen my bene uit die kerk
My sinne word dof van die walglike reuk
Die 'cheek' om my kop tussen my bene te steek

My maag is so seer, my bene die knak
Al wat ek voel is die groot bol kak
Die ouderling steun en druk aan die bol
En druk die ding amper terug in my hol

Buite los hy my en storm na binne
Stadig herstel ek van my bedwelmde sinne
Die ding wat my sedertdien nog altyd verstom
Is hoe het ek die Sondag by die huis gekom

Een ding het ek van kerkgang geleer
As jou maag wil werk , sit naby die deur
En as jou derms begin draai en jou poephol blom
Sorg dat jy vinnig by die kakhuis kom.




What do Black people say after a car crash?
"EISH !!!"

White people?
"OH $HIT!!!"

Indian people?
"Ayo ama, the other car just jumped in front of my car!"

Coloured people?


Mbeki's Legacy

Mbeki's Legacy

President Thabo Mbeki, who has led South Africa since 1999, agreed
Saturday to go quietly after the ruling ANC asked him to resign. Mr.
Mbeki leaves behind a largely incompetent government fraught with
nepotism and corruption, and a despondent country with weakened
institutions, declining education and health standards, out-of-control
violence and an HIV/AIDS pandemic. Troublingly, Jacob Zuma, the man who
is likely to replace Mr. Mbeki, inspires even less confidence for the
future of South Africa.
To understand the disappointment of the last decade in South Africa, it
is important to contrast Mr. Mbeki with his predecessor. When Nelson
Mandela emerged from his 27-year incarceration, he preached forgiveness
and compassion and set about to forge a nation in which the whites --
his former jailers -- had an important role to play. Mr. Mbeki, on the
other hand, remained a Marxist ideologue who never overcame the pain and
prejudices of his life in exile.
In Mr. Mbeki's view the West oppressed the rest of mankind. Obsessed
with race and colonialism, Mr. Mbeki undermined the response to the
HIV/AIDS pandemic in South Africa. To him, orthodox science "portrayed
black people...[as] victims of a slave mentality." Rejection of the
HIV/AIDS orthodoxy was necessary to confront "centuries-old white racist
beliefs and concepts about Africans." Hundreds of thousands, maybe
millions, of South Africans died needlessly while Mr. Mbeki defended
rejectionist scientists who claimed AIDS wasn't caused by HIV.
Similarly, it was Mr. Mbeki's warped ideology that led him to support
Zimbabwe's dictator. Robert Mugabe couched his devastating economic
policies in revolutionary terms -- as a just fight against alleged
British plots and other delusions. For eight years the South African
begged for more time for his "quiet diplomacy" while Zimbabwe burned. If
the recent power-sharing deal between Mr. Mugabe and Morgan Tsvangirai
works, it will do so not because of Mr. Mbeki's diplomacy but because of
his departure. Mr. Mugabe may yet find it more advantageous to
compromise with Mr. Tsvangirai than to deal with Mr. Zuma who criticized
Mr. Mugabe in the past.
Mr. Mbeki' accommodating policy toward Mr. Mugabe exemplified a growing
gap between the high-minded principles the South African claimed to
follow in foreign affairs and the sordid reality of his policies. He
cozied up to Cuba, Iran, and Libya. At the U.N., his diplomats worked
with China to prevent a debate on human rights abuses in Burma. South
Africa's intelligence minister visited Iran last year, where he praised
Hezbollah and Hamas. In sum, Mr. Mbeki never encountered an anti-Western
tyrant he did not like.
At home, he exhibited the authoritarian tendencies he had learned during
his stint in the Soviet Union. He transformed the state-owned South
African Broadcasting Corporation into a personal propaganda machine that
banned some of his critics from appearing on it. He banished some of his
competitors in the ANC by accusing them of trying to assassinate him.
External dissenters, like the opposition Democratic Alliance, were
weakened by persistent accusations of racism. That stifled public debate
over the direction of South Africa's economic and social policies,
including a murder rate that is nine times higher than that of the
United States, and a healthcare system which according to the World
Health Organization is worsening.
Mr. Mbeki was rightly praised for following good macro-economic policies
that saw the budget deficit and public debt fall, and growth increase.
But being reasonably tight with the public purse did not make Mr. Mbeki
"businessfriendly" -- as he was sometimes mischaracterized. Businesses
in South Africa are heavily taxed (at 35%) and regulated. They also have
to follow onerous race guidelines in employment and promotion.
Micro-economic over-regulation has kept growth low (expected to come in
at 2% this year) and contributed to a 26% unemployment rate. The number
of people living in absolute poverty has doubled since the ANC came to
power in 1994. Mr. Mbeki's breathless drive to monopolize power has led
him to attack the independence of the judiciary. According to a High
Court judge, he tried to influence the judicial proceedings against his
nemesis, former Deputy President Jacob Zuma. It was that apparent abuse
of state power that finally gave the ANC leadership an excuse to ask Mr.
Mbeki to resign.
Following Mr. Mbeki's departure, Mr. Zuma will most likely take over
after the election in 2009, while a caretaker president will run the
state affairs in the meantime. But Mr. Zuma is a deeply flawed man as
well. The accusations of corruption against him persist. Moreover, his
judgment has been called to question. When, during his rape trial, he
was asked about the wisdom of having unprotected sex with an HIV
positive woman, Mr. Zuma replied that there was no problem, because he
"showered" afterward.
There are also questions about his commitment to South Africa's fragile
democracy. Mr. Zuma once famously predicted that the ANC would remain in
power until "Jesus comes back." For all of Mr. Mbeki's faults -- and
there were many -- South Africans may yet look back at his tenure with
Mr. Tupy is a policy analyst at the Cato Institute's Center for Global
Liberty and Prosperity.
Mbeki's Legacy - WSJ.com

Car locks up alleged thief via remote

Hanti Otto
October 01 2008 at 07:09AM

An alleged car thief was immediately "imprisoned" by technology.
Hemman Mathebe, 23, of Mamelodi East, was trapped in a VW Golf 5 for at
least two hours while the driver was partying in a Hatfield club.
He pleaded not guilty to a charge of attempted vehicle theft.
Natasha Labotski told the Pretoria Regional Court that she and a friend
parked her mother's car across the street from the club on the night of
November 30 last year.
"When we got out of the car, I pressed the remote to lock it. We walked
across the street and, without looking, I pressed the remote again over
my shoulder in the direction of the car, just to make sure it was
locked," she recalled.
About two hours later someone came into the club looking for her.
They said someone was locked inside her car.
Police Inspector Stephanus Dreyer testified that they were patrolling
the streets when a security guard flagged them down, saying someone was
locked inside a vehicle. "The person inside panicked. We tried to open
the door, but couldn't. I told and gestured to him to open it from the
inside, but he gestured back that he couldn't," the inspector testified.
He sent someone to look for the driver of the car.
When Labotski arrived, she said she did not know the man inside the
vehicle. When she unlocked the door Mathebe got out.
"All he said was 'Sorry, sorry'," Dreyer said.
However, the accused claimed in court that he was a car guard and the
two girls had asked him if he would sit inside the vehicle and protect
it. He said they'd asked him if he would mind if they locked him in, and
he had agreed.
Labotski denied this, saying she did not ask anyone to sit inside the
Mathebe was earlier granted bail of R2 000, but remains in custody as he
could not pay. The trial was postponed to October for the evidence of
Labotski's friend.
The State also indicated that it might call an expert to testify on how
the locking system of the vehicle worked.
* *This article was originally published on page 1 of **Pretoria
News* <http://www.pretorianews.co.za/>* on October 01, 2008 *


Why they should always sell swimming costumes with wearing instructions in Durban!!

Durban Beach 2008


Umkhonto we Sizwe!

Randfontein, 1973

Late one Saturday afternoon, this black youth storms into a quiet corner
café, brandishing an AK-47 and screaming at the top of his lungs,
"Umkhonto we Sizwe! Umkhonto we Sizwe!"

Sannie, behind the till, is more puzzled than frightened.

"Umkhonto we Sizwe!" he shouts again, waving his 'traditional weapon'.

Sannie turns around and screams for Baas Piet.

Piet comes out from the back office and is confronted by another
"Umkhonto we Sizwe!" shout and Sannie's blank stare of confusion.

"Orrait, ek sien", he tells Sannie, "gee vir die ou 'n paar Chappies,



Een dag vra Piet vir Jan: "Jissie Jan, hoekom het jy so baie kinders?"
Jan antwoord: "Ek weet nie wat om te maak nie, ek raak al mal van al die
Piet: "Nou hoekom gebruik jy nie 'n kondoom nie?"
Jan: "'n Kondoom?"
Piet: "Ja, 'n kondoom. Gaan na die winkel toe en vra vir 'n paar Kondome."
Jan gaan winkel toe en daar staan 'n jong Engelse meisie agter die
toonbank. Jan vra: "Mag ek 'n kondoom kry, asseblief?"
Die meisie kyk hom so snaaks aan en sê: "Excuse me, sir! Could you
please speak English."
Jan staan en dink so 'n bietjie, want sy engels is nie so goed nie en
toe vra hy: "Can I like to have a can doom please?"
Die girl sê: "Is it for flying insects or for crawling insects?"
Jan antwoord: "Nee, is vir gewone SEKS!!"


Sipho vra vir Bongani: "Waar is jou pa?"
"My pa het nou net gery. Hy het sy balaclava op en sy AK 47.
Ek dink hy het gou gaan geld trek!"
Sipho: "Boss, I have problems with my vision.
I won't be coming to work."
Boss: "Why, what's the matter?"
Sipho: "Eish, I can't see myself working today."
Sipho & Thabo at museum, looking at a mummy with "1227BC" written below.
Sipho: "What does that mean?"
Thabo: "Eish, must be the reg. no. of the taxi that killed him!"
Piet vra Sipho: "So hoekom verkrag die swart man nie vir die koeli
vroumense nie?"
Sipho: "Eish! Want die houtkop bang vir die panic button op haar voorkop!"
Sipho did not have R3000.00 to make personalized number plates, so he
took R150.00, went to Home Affairs and changed his name to MPB 187 GP



Vrou, met kurkprop in haar fanny: Dr, as ek die proppie uit haal dan
sing my paddatjie die bloubul lied.
Dokter: Moenie worry nie, baie dose doen dit!
Hoe weet jy jou ginekoloog is swart ?
Hy doen 'n papsmeer met 'n houtlepel!
Meraai sit wydsbeen op die sypaadjie in die son en bak. Polisieman vra
"Meraai, wat sit jy so?"
Sy se "Ek het sopas my huur betaal, maak die kwitansie droog."
Juffrou se in biologie klas "Teken die vroulike geslagsdeel."
Sannie trek haar panty weg en kyk.
Jannie sien dit en skreeeeu: "Juffrou! Sannie krip!"
Wat se 'n mens vir iemand wat sopas jou voortande uitgeslaan het?
Koos arrives in England to watch rugby. He becomes ill and a Pommie
doctor tells him they have to remove his testicles, to which he
replies, "Not a fok!"
An Afrikaans doctor then came to Koos and said: "Koos, hulle moet jou
knaters uithaal!"
Koos: "Oraait, ek dog hulle soek my test tickets."
Definisie van guts: Man wat laatnag dronk deur sy vrou met die besem
ingewag word en haar vra "Maak jy nog huisskoon of vlieg jy iewers heen,
Man is lus vir seks.
Vrou se: Ek het kopseer!
Man se: Jou gelukkige dag! Ek het my tottie nounet in grandpa gedoop!
Hoe soek jy dit skat? Mondelings of inwendig?
Baas se aan blond: Jou brein sit tussen jou bene!!!
Blond bel Maandag en boek af siek vir 'n week.
Baas vra: Wat's fout?
Blond: Bloeding op die brein!!!!
Dis oorlog en 'n man en sy vrou hardloop uit.
Sy vrou skreeu: My valstande is nog daar binne!
Haar man se "Fok die tande, hulle gooi bomme, nie toebroodjies nie!"
Jannie: Juffrou ek dink my kat hakkel.
Juffrou: Hoe so Jannie?
Toe hy die hond sien, se hy Ffff...Fffff...Ffffff, en voor hy kon se
fokkof, toe byt die hond hom.
Een blond aan ander: Sjoe, die laaste Evkom kragonderbreking was erg!
Ek het twee ure in 'n hysbak vasgesit.
Ander blond: Dis nog niks, ek het 6 ure op die roltrap gestaan!


SA drops places in corruption survey

South Africa has plummeted 11 places in a global corruption survey that
has seen Denmark, Sweden and New Zealand ranked as the least corrupt
countries in the world and Somalia as the most.
Last year, South Africa was ranked 43rd in the world with a rating of
5.1 out of a potential 10 points on Transparency International's (TI)
2008 Corruption Perceptions Index.
This year the country slipped to 54th position with a 4.9 rating.


Wat noem jy 'n Indier in rolstoel?


En een in Weskoppies?


'n Netbal speler?


In in krematorium?


Een met 'n aircon in sy kar?



KZN Snow in Spring - 20/09/2008

Photos from Kokstad, Resthaven Guesthouse (cactus covered in snow),
Nottingham Road, Curry's Post, and Drak Gardens.


Durban's beach: Then and now


Die plaasseun

Plaasseun stap kroeg binne met 'n volstruis onder die een arm en en 'n
toiletbak vol R100 note onder die ander.

Die kroegman vra: "En die?"

Seun: "My pa het gesê as jy girls soek, moet jy 'n groot voël en 'n
kakhuis vol geld hê."


Strictly for dummies...

By Kanina Foss

The ANC Youth League has received a copy of Politics for Dummies,
hand-delivered to its offices at Luthuli House, decoratively tied with
red raffia.

The gift was sent by AfriForum Youth in reaction to ANC Youth League
president, Julius Malema's "radical and irresponsible" statements.

Malema had said the league would "crush" and "eliminate" anyone trying
to prevent Jacob Zuma becoming the country's next president.

"We'd like to see the Youth League being more cautious. We feel these
statements are not in the best interests of democracy," said AfriForum
Youth chairperson Ernst Roets.

Politics for Dummies is part of a series that purport to make difficult
subjects understandable.

"We feel the Youth League needs to be educated in some of the
fundamental principles of democracy. Yes, free speech is important, but
with that comes responsibilities," said Roets.

The book was presented to ANCYL media liaison officer Thandi Mokaba.
Afterwards, ANCYL national spokesperson Floyd Shivambu lashed out.

"We cannot be told how to speak by a group of racists who want to
protect white privileges at the expense of addressing the social and
economic conditions created by a racist regime," said Shivambu.

"I think they are a group of crazy, racist people. They're not in the
pursuit of democracy, they're in the pursuit of regressive regimes.
Since when does AfriForum know about democracy?" he said.

"If they want to speak to us, they must not come through backdoors, so
we're not even going to entertain that thing (the book)," said Shivambu.

* *This article was originally published on page 3 of **The Star*
<http://www.thestar.co.za/>* on September 17, 2008 *


Zapiro vs. Zuma


The magistrate and the accused

The magistrate was scolding the accused: "This is the seventh time
in three years that you are appearing in front of me! I don't want to
see you in this court anymore, the next time I see you here I give you
life sentence! What do you have to say, for three years committing the
same offence and still coming to the same court?"

Accused: "Nee fok, your honour, stop releasing your frustration on me!
Jy kan mos nie vir my blame as jy nie 'n promotion kan kry nie! I also
don't want to see you in this court anymore, the next time I see you
here I lodge a complaint of incompetence, if you were competent you
would have effectively dealt with me and get yourself a promotion. Jy is
dom, for drie jaare in the same position and still struggling with the
same person."


Customs and firearms

BTW: This cartoon is TEN YEARS old.


Screw the justice system!

In response to the furore following the publication of the cartoon,
Zapiro said: "I get the feeling that South Africa tends to
exceptionalise our politicians … We seem to think our politicians are
more sacrosanct than other politicians around the world. If politicians
like Jacob Zuma were to live in another part of the world he would be
the subject of harsh criticism."

On Monday ANC spokesperson Jesse Duarte said the cartoon was "vile,
crude and disgusting" and "the cartoon is a depiction of the dictatorial
nature of Mondli Makhanya (Sunday Times editor)".

She said: "He screams press freedom when he is attacked but misuses that
freedom every week. He tries to show that the new leadership of the ANC
will loot the country in the future."

Magistrate hijacked near court

Barely 24 hours after sentencing two South African Revenue Service
(Sars) officials and their accomplices to 15 years in jail for fraud, a
Pretoria magistrate was hijacked near the court's premises.

Dr Leavit Mkhanzi, a civil court magistrate, was robbed of his watch,
cellphone and BMW on Friday, just a day after he sentenced Sars
employees and their two accomplices to 15 years' imprisonment for
defrauding the taxman of nearly R500 000.

It is believed that Mkhanzi's vehicle was later found in Villieria,
thanks to a tracker system. However, the inside had been stripped of

* *This article was originally published on page 1 of **Pretoria
News* <http://www.pretorianews.co.za/>* on September 09, 2008 *


The SA 2010 "Getting to the stadium" handbook


Why so many South Africans are moving to Australia

Van der Merwe had never been out of South Africa before and was visiting
Bondi Beach, Australia . He spotted a long line of black dots out in the
water and said to an Aussie who was sitting close by, "Meneer, what are
all those little black things out there?"

"They're buoys," replied the Aussie.

"Boys?!" replied Van der Merwe. "What are they doing out there?"

"Holding up the shark net, mate," the Aussie told him.

"Fucking great country, this!" said Van der Merwe, deeply impressed.
"We'd never get away with that at home!"


Proudly South African

Lieschen Botes


Demotivational and dubious honour


Sandton vs. Brakpan vs. Katlehong


Sandton: You drive an Audi A5.

Brakpan: You drive a Corsa with BMW M3 mirrors (and tinted windows,
dropped suspension, those spiff blue lights underneath the car, and
go-faster stripes).

Katlehong: You drive a Hi-Ace that also boasts tinted windows that
prevent anyone noticing the extra seats which allow you to seat an
additional eight passengers.


Sandton: You go shopping in Paris.

Brakpan: You go shopping in Germiston.

Katlehong: You go "affirmative shopping" in Sandton, Rosebank and
Woodmead. At night.


Sandton: You have a security guard at your front gate.

Brakpan: You work as a security guard in Sandton.

Katlehong: You know the security guards in Brakpan and Sandton.


Sandton: You love Cognac.

Brakpan: You smaak Klippies.

Katlehong: You love anything alcoholic with your Chicken-Licken.


Sandton: You listen to Andrea Bocelli.

Brakpan: You listen to Bomfunk MCs and Fokofpolisiekar.

Katlehong: You listen to Pitch Black Afro and Zola.


Sandton: "Excuse me, but what do you think you are doing?"

Brakpan: "Hey, china... Ek moer jou."

Katlehong: "Eiish... voetsek!"


Sandton: You smoke Cuban cigars!

Brakpan: You smoke whatever you buy behind the Casbah Roadhouse on a
Friday night.

Katlehong: You smoke the finest your friends bring from Swaziland.


Sandton: Your shoes are hand-made in Italy.

Brakpan: Your shoes are hand-made in Springs.

Katlehong: Your shoes are handmade in a Chinese sweatshop and sport
famous, recognisable logos.


Sandton: Ballroom dancing.

Brakpan: Windsurfing (lang-arm).

Katlehong: Toy-toying during a strike or protest.


Sandton: You fly first class.

Brakpan: You fly from whatever you buy behind the Casbah Roadhouse on
Friday night.

Katlehong: You're terrified of flying but have emptied several clips at
planes just after take-off.


Sandton: Your wife is 36-24-34.

Brakpan: Your wife is 36-24-34 - and her other leg is just as big!

Katlehong: Your wives are 48-36-54.


Sandton: Fireplace in the lounge.

Brakpan: Cadac in the kitchen.

Katlehong: Open fire in any room.


Sandton: You meet your girlfriend at a celebrity fundraiser.

Brakpan: You meet your meisie behind the Casbah Roadhouse on a
Friday night.

Katlehong: You meet your skweezas at the nearest shebeen.


Sandton: Monaco Grandprix Circuit.

Brakpan: Rainbow Drag Strip (where Nissan 1400 bakkies are faster than
the new Williams prototype).

Katlehong: Rush-hour races along Heidelberg Road or the Golden Highway.


Sandton: Blu-Ray. Plasma. HDTV.

Brakpan: Sê weer?

Katlehong: Your Blu-Ray. Your plasma. Your DStv. My shack.



Fwd: Boy gutted for his 'meat' [summarised]

By Angelique Serrao

A five-year-old boy lay in an open veld for hours with his intestines
hanging out after a man gutted him open with a glass bottle.

Nobody knows how long [he] lay in the open piece of ground near Kya
Sand. It was probably a few hours, because by the time the boy reached
doctors on Monday afternoon, he was dehydrated and in extreme shock.

[His] first good Samaritan was a group of local children who were
playing near the footpath where the five-year-old lay injured. When they
saw their friend lying there hurt, they did not hesitate and an older
boy quickly called the police.

When Constable Joshua Shilajoe arrived on the scene, he could not
believe what he saw: a tiny boy who looked at him with wide eyes while
his insides lay outside his body.

The child told the police that a man had stabbed him with a broken
bottle and told him he wanted to get some meat from him.


Municipality literacy shock [summarised]

Xolani Mbanjwa
August 27 2008 at 06:48AM

One in three municipal councillors cannot read or write, and more lack
basic competencies to run local government finances.

Some councillors are even embarrassed to admit they do not understand
English and are therefore unable to follow council proceedings or
training sessions.

On average, only half of local government politicians have post-matric
qualifications, while only two out of 10 understand how tariffs are set
or the cost implications of municipal services.

These facts are contained in a study by the SA Local Government
Association (Salga).

A number of councillors were not comfortable in conducting business or
being trained in English.

"Some councillors are not comfortable in doing business in languages
that are not their mother-tongues. But they keep quiet because they are

The depressing figures have been fingered as one of the main
contributors of poor municipal service delivery, but also expose the
legacy of apartheid in institutions of governance.

The study - conducted since the 2006 local polls and completed late last
year - evaluated 7 000 of the country's 9 300 councillors.

"The practical implications are that if so many of them do not have
proper reading and writing skills, then we can assume that councils end
up approving budgets they can't interpret."


Licensed to kill in lawless SA

By Jeremy Gordin and Eleanor Momberg [summarised]

One hundred and thirty-three murders - 69 of which were committed more
than two years ago - and as yet not one murder conviction.

A disgraceful fracas in the Johannesburg city centre, with Metro police
closing off part of a highway and exchanging live gunfire with
policemen, yet, two months later, no charges have been laid.

These are just two scenes from a society in which lawlessness has
apparently become the order of the day, rather than safety and security.

Johan Burger, a senior researcher at the Institute for Security Studies
in Pretoria, said: "If we continue being a lawless society, which is
what we are doing, we are well on our way to anarchy. The point is that,
as admitted by Johnny de Lange, the deputy minister of justice, the
system is not working.

"The second point is that, if the law is broken, then the authorities
must act. But we have so many cases in this country of selective law
enforcement that the wheels have come off in general."

The Sunday Independent this week attempted to find out what progress had
been made in four high-profile incidents that occurred in the past few
years - the police fracas, the deaths of 69 security guards during a
strike in 2006, the murder of two Johannesburg Metrobus drivers during a
strike in 2007, and the xenophobic violence in Gauteng.

No one has been convicted of murder in connection with the deaths of the
69 security guards who died during the security guards' strike between
March and June 2006. Many of the guards, who were accused of being scabs
during the strike, died in the network of railway lines that connect
Pretoria and the East and West Rands with Johannesburg. Most were flung
from trains. But many were also shot or severely assaulted.

"In cases, like these, where many were killed mainly by being thrown off
trains by their supposed colleagues, it's very difficult to make murder
charges stick," he said.

No charges have ever been laid for the March 2007 murders of the two
Johannesburg Metrobus drivers, who were found burned beyond recognition
in Kagiso on the West Rand, during the Johannesburg bus drivers' strike,
a senior official of the Johannesburg metro said.

"The thing is, where you have political involvement, where the unions
are involved, there are not going to be charges brought," said the
official, who asked to remain anonymous. "That's the way it is. You can
forget about it."

There was better news regarding the 62 people murdered during the
xenophobic violence in May. A number of cases have been prepared in
connection with the xenophobic murders. But none has come to court yet
and Tlali Tlali, the spokesperson for the national prosecuting authority
(NPA), was unable give any firm dates for trials.

Tlali said that 56 cases relating to xenophobic violence were "trial
ready", but had been postponed for further investigation and bail and
legal aid applications.

The charges listed by the NPA for the xenophobic violence had theft,
robbery, rape, public violence, house breaking, assault, inciting public
violence and arson appended to them - with murder low down on the list
of the charges.

Regarding the fracas on June 25 this year, when 400 striking
Johannesburg metro policemen blocked off part of a highway and had a
gunfight with police service members, Wayne Minnaar, the spokesman for
the Johannesburg metro police department, said that the department would
hold a press conference this week at which it would be announced whether
the incident would be dealt with internally or by the NPA in open court.

The Sunday Independent has contacted Charles Nqakula, the minister of
safety and security, a number of times since Thursday midday, asking
whether he had any additional information about any of the four
incidents, and asking him to comment on justice being delayed being
tantamount to justice denied.

But the minister had not responded by the time of going to press.

* *This article was originally published on page 1 of **Sunday
Independent* <http://www.sundayindependent.co.za/>* on August 24,
2008 *


The contents of our mailbox in yours!
Join us @ http://groups.google.com/group/TheDirtyThumb

Hey, Mugu!

South Africa: Where smoking in public is the worst crime...


'No one can have it if we can't'

By Heinz de Boer

"If you remove our cables, you had better move all the power from the
area. No-one can have it if we are not allowed to (have electricity)."

This is part of a bizarre threat made to the city after vandals
destroyed a mini substation and totally blacked out a large part of Sea
Cow Lake from Friday. The electricity supply was restored on Tuesday.

A note was left behind holding the city to ransom and threatening more
of the same if the city clamped down on illegal connections and cable theft.

The note threatened that the same would happen if the council did not
allow illegal connections to remain. He said theft would, however,
continue until the socio-economic conditions behind the thefts were

"There is generally rampant theft of electricity and illegal connections
in the Sea Cow Lake area. As fast as we replace these cables they are
stolen again. But unless we police 24 hours a day it will happen.
Wherever there are informal settlements where poor people have not been
provided with electricity the temptation to connect illegally is often
too great for some," he said.

Then there are the professional thieves who have made the wholesale
theft of major electrical lines their business. Armed with chainsaws,
the gangs often target rural or desolate areas where cables run.

* *This article was originally published on page 1 of **Daily News*
<http://www.dailynews.co.za/>* on August 20, 2008 *


Breaking News - Beijing 2008!

News just out...

South Africa took three gold medals this morning...

...Security caught them at the gate.

Corrupt Traffic Cop

A motorist whose licence disc expired has had his car towed away because
a metro police officer allegedly wanted to punish him for not paying a

Modise Sikhosana said the Ekurhuleni officer said she would teach him a
lesson. The incident happened outside Nedbank on Voortrekker Road in
Alberton on Monday.

She allegedly pointed a finger at him, rudely reprimanding him in front
of his wife and 4-year-old son. "Are we going to be arrested, papa," his
little boy asked with tears in his eyes.

"Of course not," he tried to reassure him. "An expired disc doesn't get
anyone in jail."

The metro cop, according to Sikhosana, was waiting for him next to his
car. He said he didn't even object to a fine.

But the metro police officer had something else in mind. She told him
the matter would be solved far easier if he just paid her an R800 bribe.

Sikhosana refused, joking that an R800 bribe would be more expensive
than the fine itself. It was then that the woman in uniform got angry.
She walked back to her car and called the private Bafana Bafana towing

A tow truck arrived later and left with Sikhosana's car and keys. The
tow truck driver allegedly asked him to sign all kinds of papers. But
Sikhosana refused. He didn't receive any impoundment receipt.

Just before the tow truck left, the metro police officer allegedly gave
Sikhosana one last bribing opportunity - for R2 000 he could keep his
car. With the money she could pay the tow truck driver and keep some for
herself, she said.

Again Sikhosana rejected the offer. "They didn't tell me where they took
my car," he told The Star yesterday. "I asked the metro police officer
if I could pick it up at the police station the next day or so, but she
said it would be kept at the premises of the towing firm."

"It could be stripped, but I am not accountable for that in any way,"
she threatened Sikhosana, laughing.

She gave him the R200 fine anyway, punishing him twice for the same
offence. Sikhosana had to call his sister to take him and his family
back to their Katlehong home. He reported his car as stolen to 10111.

But on Tuesday, almost two days later, Sikhosana still didn't know where
to look for it. He filed an official complaint at the Vosloorus metro
police department - not in Alberton because it turned out the police
officer had operated outside her jurisdiction.

The towing company confirmed yesterday it had indeed towed away
Sikhosana's car. They stated that it was not uncommon for the metro
police to ask them for help. They said they even have a contract with
the Ekurhuleni metro police.

*This article was originally published on page 2 of **The Star*
<http://www.thestar.co.za/>* on August 20, 2008 *


2010: We are ready

A different perspective on Mandela

Apartheid may have been wrong and stupid but hey, now comparisons can be
made, and the people themselves are examining the truth behind South
Africa's problems.


Sarah is an Englishwoman endowed with an incisive and razor-sharp
understanding of South Africa's recent history. Unlike so many millions
of brain-washed lemmings in the UK, she sees right through the
media-contrived smoke & mirrors, lies and myths as propounded by the

This excellent two part article appeared on the blog of Sarah


By Sarah, Maid of Albion

It is often said that one man's terrorist is another man's freedom
fighter, however, this usually means that the other man has been less
than fastidious in his choice of hero, or that the "freedom fighter" in
question was on the crowd pleasing side.

On the 27th of June, London's Hyde Park played host to a concert in
honour of Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday and as expected it received
wall to wall coverage from a star struck and worshipping media, who
continue to laud Mandela as one of the greatest, or indeed the greatest,
heroes of our time.
The beaming old man appeared on stage in one of his trademark
multi-coloured shirts and cheerily acknowledge the cheers of the adoring
crowd, most of whom have been taught to believe in his sainthood since
their first days in primary school, which, for many of them, will have
occurred around the same time their hero walked free from Robben Island.

The unquestioning belief in Mandela's universally admired saintliness
was again on display in the gushing media coverage and by the unending
line of politicians and dignitaries from presidents to Prime ministers
who queued up to genuflect before him and sing his praises. It is a
brave politician or journalist who would dare to question the godliness
of this legend and consummate showman, and hence no such questions were
raised, nor were his much vaunted "achievements" subjected to any
objective scrutiny.

No matter how many speeches are given or how many news articles are
written, it will be a long time if ever before the truth about Mandela
is told.

In fact the truth about Mandela is so hidden in mythology and
misinformation that most know nothing about him prior to Robben island,
and those who do tend to exercise a form of self censorship, designed to
bolster the myth whilst consigning uncomfortable facts into the mists of

For most people all they know about Mandela, prior to his release in
1990, was that he had spent 27 years in prison and was considered by
many on the left at the time (and almost everyone now) to be a political
prisoner. However, Mandela was no Aung San Suu Kyi, he was not an
innocent, democratically elected leader, imprisoned by an authoritarian

Mandela was the terrorist leader of a violent terrorist organisation,
the ANC (African National Congress) which was responsible for many
thousands of, mostly black, deaths. The ANC's blood spattered history is
frequently ignored, but reminders occasionally pop up in the most
embarrassing places, indeed as recently as this month the names of
Nelson Mandela and most of the ANC remained on the US government's
terrorist watch list along with al-Queda, Hezbollah and the Tamil
Tigers. Of course the forces of political correctness are rushing to
amend that embarrassing reminder from the past. However, Mandela's name
was not on that list by mistake, he was there because of his murderous past.

Before I am accused of calumny, it should be noted that Mandela does not
seek to hide his past, in his autobiography "the long walk to Freedom"
he casually admits "signing off" the 1983 Church Street bombing carried
out by the ANC and killing 19 innocent people whilst injuring another 200.

It is true that Mandela approved that massacre and other ANC killings
from his prison cell, and there is no evidence that he personally killed
anyone but the same could be said about Stalin or Hitler, and the
violent history of the ANC, the organisation he led is not in question.

According to the Human Rights Commission it is estimated that during the
Apartheid period some 21,000 people were killed, however both the UN
Crimes against Humanity commission and South Africa's own Truth and
Reconciliation Commission are in agreement that in those 43 years the
South African Security forces killed a total of 518 people. The rest,
(some 92%) were accounted for by Africans killing Africans, many by
means of the notorious and gruesome practice of necklacing whereby a car
tyre full of petrol is placed around a victim's neck and set alight.
This particularly cruel form of execution was frequently carried out at
the behest of the ANC with the enthusiastic support of Mandela's demonic
wife Winnie.

The brutal reappearance of the deadly necklace in recent weeks is
something I shall reluctantly focus upon later.

Given that so much blood was on the hands of his party, and, as such,
the newly appointed government, some may conclude that those who praised
Madela's mercy and forgiveness, when the Truth and Reconciliation
tribunal set up after he came to power, to look into the Apartheid
years, did not include a provision for sanctions, were being
deliberately naive.

Such nativity is not uncommon when it comes to the adoring reporting of
Nelson Madela, and neither is the great leader himself rarely shy of
playing up his image of fatherly elder statesman and multi-purpose
paragon. However, in truth, the ANC's conscious decision to reject a
policy of non-violence, such as that chosen by Gandhi, in their struggle
against the white government, had left them, and by extension, their
leader, with at least as much blood on their hands as their one time
oppressors, and this fact alone prevented them from enacting the revenge
which might otherwise have been the case.

As the first post Apartheid president of South Africa it would, be
unfair if not ludicrous to judge Mandela entirely on the basis of events
before he came to power, and in any event there is many a respected
world leader or influential statesman with a blood stained past so let
us now examine Nelson Mandela's achievements, and the events which have
occurred in South Africa in the 14 short years since he took power in
following the post Apartheid election in 1994, and the new South Africa
which he created after coming to power on a surge of worldwide optimism
and hope in 1994, when, following the end of Apartheid, he and his
followers promised a new dawn for what became termed the Rainbow Nation.

Today South Africa stands out as one of the most dangerous and crime
ridden nations on Earth which is not actively at War. In 2001, only
seven years after the end of Apartheid, whilst the city of Amsterdam in
the Netherlands with 5,6 murders per 100,000 population was declared the
"murder capitol of Europe", Johannesburg, with 61.2 murders per 100,00
population and remains the world's top murder city.

In South Africa as a whole, the murder rate is seven times that of
America, in terms of rape the rate is ten times as high and includes the
ugly phenomenon of child rape, one of the few activities in which South
Africa is now a world leader. If you don't believe me, you can read what
Oprah Winfrey has to say about it here.

All other forms of violent crime are out of control, and Johannesburg is
among the top world cities for muggings and violent assault, a fact
seldom mentioned in connection with the 2010 World Cup which is
scheduled to be hosted in South Africa.

As always with black violence the primary victims are their fellow
blacks, however, the rape, murder and violent assault of whites is a
daily event, and there is more ...

As with the Matabeleland massacres, news of which the BBC, together with
much of the world media suppressed for twenty years to protect their one
time hero, Zimbabwe's Robert Mugabe, another secret genocide is being
ignored by the world media, the genocide of white Boer farmers,
thousands of whom have been horribly tortured to death in their homes
since the end of Apartheid. Anyone who clicks on this link should we
warned that it includes some very gruesome images as the savagery of
these attacks belie the authorities attempts to dismiss them as nothing
more than a "crime wave".

Given that it is now all but illegal in South Africa to report the race
of either victim or the perpetrator of a crime (unless the perpetrator
is white and the victim black) and as modern South Africa's official
crime statistics are notoriously massaged, it is impossible to know the
exact numbers of farm murders that have taken place. Many reliable
sources estimate the figure as close to 3,000, but even if we take the
more conservative figure of 1,600 quoted in the politically correct
South African press (but not quoted at all in ours) this is three times
the numbers killed by the South African security forces over a period of
43 years, and which the UN calls a crime against humanity.

To put this in perspective, the population of South Africa is 47
million, (13 million less than Britain despite its far greater land
mass) of which the 4.3 million whites account for 9.1%, about 1% less
than the immigrant population of Britain. Can you imagine the outcry if
1,600 (let alone 3,000) members of a minority community in Britain were
tortured to death by the native population?.

Yet when the victims are white, there is hardly a peep in the South
African press and silence from the international media. Compare this to
when a white youth is the killer, such as in the case of Johan Nel, who
shot three Africans, a story which became instant world wide news with
the predictable screams of racism and machete wielding mobs baying for
his blood.

(And they accuse us of hate?!! Don't such people nauseate themselves
with their hypocrisy?!)

Crime aside, Mandela and his ANC inherited the strongest economy in
Africa, indeed, despite economic sanctions, South Africa was still one
of the richest world nations, and indeed initially there was a brief
post Apartheid boom, resulting from the lifting of sanctions and due to
the fact that until affirmative action forced most of the whites out of
their jobs to be replaced by under qualified blacks, those who had built
South Africa were still in place.

However, any optimism was to be short lived. Now, after just 14 years of
rule by Mandela and his grim successor Mbeke, corruption is rife, the
country is beset with power cuts and the infrastructure is crumbling.

The nation's great cities like Durban and Johannesburg, which could once
rival the likes of Sydney, Vancouver and San Francisco, had descended in
to decaying crime ridden slums within a decade.

And in recent months we have seen the so called Rainbow nations ultimate
humiliation, as xenophobic anti immigration violence spreads across the
country. ("xenophobic" is what the media call racism when blacks do it)
As poverty and unemployment explodes and is exacerbated by the floods of
immigrants flooding in to escape the even more advanced Africanisation
of the rest of the country, the mobs turn on those they blame for
stealing their jobs, their homes, and their women.

Thus the cycle turns, and, like watching some barbaric version of "back
to the future", on the news we see exactly the same scenes we saw on our
televisions twenty years ago, wrecked buildings, burning vehicles, mobs
brandishing machetes, axes and knives hacking at everything and everyone
which comes within their reach. Most horrific of all, we see the return
of that most savage symbol of African brutality, the necklace where, to
the cheers of a blood thirsty crowd, some poor trembling soul, with a
tire around his neck, is dragged from his home and set alight, exactly
as all those other poor souls were set alight throughout the Apartheid
years, when we were told it was all the evil white man's fault.

As nothing else the return of the necklace exposes the failure of
Mandela's revolution, and those who fought for him should weep.

Under Apartheid, blacks and whites went to separate hospitals but they
received world class health care, whatever their colour, now the
facilities are collapsing or non-existent. Black children went to
different schools than white children, but they received an education,
something which is now a privileged luxury. When they grew up, their
bosses may have been white, but they had jobs and a living wage, as the
recent violence shows us, such security is but a memory for most South

Eighteen years after Nelson and Winnie made their historic walk towards
the cameras, and 14 years, since Mandela assumed power on a tide of
optimism, a once proud South Africa slides like a crumbling, crime
ridden, wreck towards a precipice created though greed, corruption and

For all his gleaming smiles, grandfatherly hand gestures, and folksy
sound bites, when the crowd cheered the retired terrorist in
the gaudy shirt, they would have done best not to focus too closely upon
his much admired legacy, as they might just find that the Xhosan Emperor
has no clothes. For Nelson Mandela's lasting achievement is that, in the
face of a world wishing him well, he, and the party he leads, have shown
the world that, for all its flaws, Apartheid was a more benign system
than what replaced it, and that the average South African was
immeasurably better off under the hated white rule than they are under
the alternative which black rule has created.

That is quite an achievement, even for a living legend.


Absurd speeding ticket


Noah in the Year 2008

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in South
Africa, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and
over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another
Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the plans, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark
before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard
- but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is
the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a
building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for
a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I've violated the
neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding
the height limitations. We had to go to the Metro Council for a decision.

Then ESKOM demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving
power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for
the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to
us, but they would hear nothing of it. And with all the power cuts every
two hours, how do you expect me to finish the Ark in time?

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local
trees because the Nature Conservation authorities say it will upset the
balance of the local ecological system. I tried to convince them that I
needed the wood to save us all from extinction - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, the SPCA prosecuted me. They
insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and
inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

The traffic authorities said it would take six months after completion
of the Ark to plan a route to the sea. I told them also that the sea
would be coming to my back yard. They threatened to have me committed.

Then the Department for Environment ruled that I couldn't build the Ark
until I had arranged and conducted an environmental impact study on your
proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the BEE group on how many
affirmative action persons I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
The Department of Home Affairs has insisted that I provide them with a
list of the people who want to work so that they can check that they are
not from the non-designated group. COSATU say I can't use my sons.

They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, SARS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to
leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to
destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "I don't need to - the South African Government has
beaten me to it."


SA cellphone technology developments


Belly button jewellery: Sandton vs Brakpan

Anyone for Brakpan?


Light bulbs to be outlawed?

Incandescent lightbulbs will be outlawed in every home and building -
but not immediately, as the government accidentally ordered.

On Monday the Department of Minerals and Energy's deputy
director-general for electricity, Nelisiwe Magubane, confirmed that the
regulations on lighting were wrongly issued without giving time for the

"I think that was an oversight on our part and we will be issuing a
notice to that effect," said Magubane.

The regulations, gazetted in July, order that "energy-efficient fittings
must be used in all buildings except where a specific fitting is
required for some purpose and the nature of the purpose does not allow
an energy-efficient fitting".

The same section orders that street and highway lighting must be "energy
efficient" and licensees - municipalities and Eskom - must make sure
these are switched off during the day. Municipalities must be able to
switch off street lights remotely.

No date is specified, technically making these lighting regulations
effective immediately, instead of the 12- to 18-month delay planned.

The department wasn't aware of the error until asked about it by The Star.

Eskom sal dalk ondersoek word


Nando's vs. Eskom

Fwd: Nelson Mandela joke

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a mageu when
he hears a knock at the door.
When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a
clip board and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!"

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.

Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man
starts to yell louder. "You Sign! You sign!"

Nelson says to him, "Look, you´ve obviously got the wrong man", and
shuts the door.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the
little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts
his clipboard under Nelson´s nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"

Mr. Mandela is getting a bit pissed off by now, so he pushes the little
Chinese man back, shouting, "Look, go away! Voetsek! You´ve got the
wrong man! I don´t want them!" Then he slams the door again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he
hears a knock on the door again.
On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a
clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!"

Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson
Mandela loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his
shirt front and yells at him, "Look, I don´t want these! Do you
understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"

The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and
says, "You not Nissan Main Dealer?"


Advice for hooligans and other World Cup 2010 tourists...

What FIFA did not mention about 2010

Advice for 2010 tourists

Do not take your chances by breaking even the most trivial of laws in
South Africa.

Do not think a little hooliganism will land you in a comfy cell where
you will sleep it off, have a scrumptious breakfast then take a taxi to
the beach the next morning.

Drinking in public, or even dropping your candy wrapper, will get you
arrested and thrown into a very dark dirty cell were you WILL be raped
and assaulted by as many people as there may be in your communal cell,
and for as many hours are you are there.

Here some trivial drunken mischief will scar you for life and almost
guarantee you an Aids death sentence. Forget about your basic human
rights, your one telephone call or any assistance from warders or police
when you scream for help.

The condom that is issued to you on your arrival at the cells is not for
your pleasure, but for one of the 30 men that will rape you. I would
strongly advise that you consider where, and how much you drink as this
could alter your life forever.

More at








Clearly no South Africans work for NASA...

See also http://home.arcor.de/hmvh/2005/435.htm


Meals of wheels?

Breakfast is served!!!!

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