Noah in the Year 2008

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in South
Africa, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and
over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another
Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the plans, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark
before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard
- but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is
the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a
building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for
a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I've violated the
neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding
the height limitations. We had to go to the Metro Council for a decision.

Then ESKOM demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving
power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for
the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to
us, but they would hear nothing of it. And with all the power cuts every
two hours, how do you expect me to finish the Ark in time?

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local
trees because the Nature Conservation authorities say it will upset the
balance of the local ecological system. I tried to convince them that I
needed the wood to save us all from extinction - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, the SPCA prosecuted me. They
insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and
inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

The traffic authorities said it would take six months after completion
of the Ark to plan a route to the sea. I told them also that the sea
would be coming to my back yard. They threatened to have me committed.

Then the Department for Environment ruled that I couldn't build the Ark
until I had arranged and conducted an environmental impact study on your
proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the BEE group on how many
affirmative action persons I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
The Department of Home Affairs has insisted that I provide them with a
list of the people who want to work so that they can check that they are
not from the non-designated group. COSATU say I can't use my sons.

They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, SARS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to
leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to
destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "I don't need to - the South African Government has
beaten me to it."


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