Why I didn't come to welcome the athletes at the airport


Zuma calls Malema 'leader in the making' (summarised)

By Carien du Plessis
Political Bureau

President Jacob Zuma has endorsed ANC Youth League president Julius
Malema as a future leader of the ANC.

In his most emphatic display of support for the controversial youth
league leader, Zuma praised Malema as a "leader in the making" and
someone who would be worthy of inheriting the ANC. Zuma said Malema was
made by the ANC.

"Some of us are no longer young and when we go across the mountain in
terms of age, we are happy that when we go on the organisation will
remain in real hands of (those) who will think about the people," he said.

"The ANC recognises talent and leadership and we give people an
opportunity. Julius has illustrated that he is indeed a good leader and
that he understands the people," Zuma said.

Zuma was speaking in Malema's Limpopo home town of Seshego, near
Polokwane, where he handed over a house and a church that had been built
with Malema's help.

Malema said he built the church after his mother, Florah Malema, a
domestic worker and regular churchgoer, had died before she could
accomplish her dream of doing so.

He urged the congregation not to burn the church down again when they
had disagreements, as had happened once when he was a child.

Children see mom killed by hijacker (summarised)

A woman's three children watched in horror as she bled to death in front
of them after being stabbed in the neck and heart by a hijacker who
drove off in her car.

Ulla Albertus, 38, had just returned to her Muizenberg home at around
6am yesterday after dropping off her husband Michael, an ADT armed
response officer, at work in Plumstead.

About 200m from her car, which was parked outside their flat in Rhodesia
Road, a man approached her demanding the keys.

They struggled and he plunged a knife into her neck and chest, severing
the main artery to her heart.

While he sped off in her white Uno (CA 110 800), Albertus ran inside the
block where she collapsed outside one of the flats.

The children heard the noise and came running out.

Michael rushed home to find a paramedic still administering CPR but his
wife died 15 minutes later. She wasn't able to speak to him. He said
their son Keishen, 18, who was due to start his matric exams this week,
Michaela, 10, and Kirsten, six, were traumatised after watching their
mother die.

The couple moved to Muizenberg from Athlone six months ago after
renewing their marriage vows.

He said his wife had been carrying R200 ($26 = 18€) in cash.

The hijacker had stolen it.


Sports Bar

In Boksburg there's a sports bar & restaurant that names all of their
meals after famous sports people.

They have a rice dish called "Clive Rice".

You can also get a "Schalk Burger" there.

Their latest dish is spaghetti with two big meat balls. It's called
"Pasta Semenya".

Bullets fly in mall shoot-out (shortened)

By Jacques Breytenbach and Graeme Hosken

Five gunmen, armed with an AK-47 rifle and pistols opened fire in the
crowded Kolonnade Shopping Centre (Pretoria) yesterday morning after
storming a jewellery store.

The gang had moments before held up three security guards and assaulted
two NWJ staff members, including a pregnant woman.

They then fled the store with bags of jewellery, opening fire on a Mugg
& Bean customer, who had opened fire on them as they tried to escape
through the shopping centre's parking lot.

While customers sought cover as the gunmen and the customer exchanged
fire, the robbers tried to escape in a black Volvo, which, it was later
discovered, had been hijacked in Johannesburg in *2006*.

The robbers were forced to abandon their car when the driver crashed
into a Nissan Tiida. While four of the gunmen hijacked a Ford Focus from
a motorist outside the centre, the fifth was arrested by guards as he
ran away.

The suspects abandoned the Ford in Mayville when police units boxed them
in. The men were caught as they tried to escape through thick bushes.

Mugg & Bean manager Catha Beukes said that when the first shots rang out
and security guards ran past, screaming at them to close their stores,
they had immediately locked their doors.

Clara Williams, who works in a hair salon opposite the NWJ store, said
working in the mall had added a lot of stress to her life.

"Something small, like hearing an object fall, can make you think a
gunfight between police and robbers has broken out somewhere in the
mall. Everybody is traumatised by the thought of what might happen
next," Williams said.

Kobus Kruger, Kolonnade's operations manager, said: "With all the
robberies at malls in the past couple of months, Kolonnade has put extra
security measures in place to ensure the safety of its staff and shoppers."

Consumer Goods Council of South Africa spokesman Michael Broughton said
attacks on shopping malls had not decreased despite efforts to combat them.

"The need for money is making the robbers desperate and forcing them to
step up their operations."

Police had arrested three suspects and recovered two pistols, an AK-47
and jewellery.



Bafana Bafana's next friendly match

This team was organized by SAFA to play against Bafana Bafana in their
next friendly in the hope that they would actually win with a credible

Needless to say, my money is on this team.


En wat staan op die agterkant?



In an act of solidarity with Caster Semenya, Julius Malema also went
for a gender test.

It is now officially confirmed: he is a DOOS!


Hijackers kill stroke survivor (summary)

A man partially paralysed by a stroke was shot in front of his wife when
he could not open the passenger side door of the vehicle three gunmen
were hijacking.
Thugs shot Henry Vorster, 57, through the neck and then through his
chest moments after shooting his wife Magriet, 58, outside their Willows
townhouse complex at about 11pm.
A stroke about four years ago paralysed Vorster down his left side,
making him almost unable to walk and rendering his left arm useless.
Magriet said, "I pressed the button to open the security gate and the
next minute there was this guy next to the car. He shouted that it was a
hijacking and that we must get out of the car or he would shoot," she said.
She immediately tried to get out, but the gunman smashed the window and
fired a shot which struck her right hand. "As I got out of the car he
shot me again in the leg. I screamed at my husband to get out of the car
but he could not open the door anyway because his left side is paralysed.
"The man pulled him over the car's centre console and out of the
driver's door. They shot him in the neck, but before throwing him on the
ground they shot him through the heart," she said.
Police Inspector Mike Mbewe said police spotted the red Polo and gave chase.
"The men were arrested and charged with being in possession of a stolen
vehicle. They still need to be linked to the hijack and murder," he said.

The original article was originally published on page 1 of Pretoria News
<http://www.pretorianews.co.za/> on September 29, 2009



Vrou aan haar man: "Ek verwag goeie maniere in die bed, asof ons in 'n
restaurant is."

Man klim in die bed en sê: "Skuus tog dame, sal u asseblief die koek aangee..?"


Only in South Africa!



Advertensie in die Rapport se LOOPBANE:

"Ongetroude man, gewillig om te reis, alle kostes gedek.  Moet eie
skêr en skeermes hê."

Koos doen aansoek.

"Ja," sê die klerk, "dis 'n modelagentskap. Hulle soek iemand om die
vroue modelle te skeer en hulle bikini-lyne te trim. Die betaling is
baie goed, maar daar is 'n paar negatiewe aspekte. Jy sal moerse baie
moet reis --  Bahamas, Tahiti, London, Parys  --- en natuurlik heeldag
in kaal modelle moet vaskyk."

"Gaaf," sê Koos, "waar gaan ek vir die onderhoud?"
"Hier in die Kaap," sê die klerk, "en hier is jou treinkaartjie Secunda toe."

Koos vra verward: "Secunda?? Ek dog die onderhoud is in die Kaap??"
Klerk gee hom  'n skewe kyk: "Ja, maar dis waar die einde van die
fokkin queue is!!!"


South Africa's next women's 100 metre breaststroke champion

Julius and the Pope

The Pope and Julius Malema are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Julius and says, "Do you know that with one
little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild
with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your
followers, but go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of
this day and rejoice!"

Julius replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your
hand? Show me."

So the Pope slapped him.

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Any part of the content or the blog may be reproduced without prior written permission... ons gee nie 'n fok om nie!