Meals of wheels?

Breakfast is served!!!!


Blind golfers

A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese Businessman and a
South African were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of
golfers in front of them.

The South African fumed, "What's with those okes? We must have been
waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The Indian Doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
poor golf!"

The Chinese Businessman called out "Move it, time is money"

The Catholic Priest said, "Here comes George the green keeper, let's
have a word with him."

"Hello, George!", said the Catholic Priest, "What's wrong with that
group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

George the green keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire
fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last
year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The Catholic Priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight."

The Indian Doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The Chinese Businessman replied, "I think I'll donate £50,000 to the
fire-fighters in honour of these brave souls"

And the South African asked, "Why can't they f*cking play at night?"


New National Symbol for South Africa


Whites leaving SA in droves

The number of white South Africans who give emigration as the reason for
selling their home has shot up in recent months as high crime levels and
political and economic uncertainty spur the flight of whites from the
Rainbow Nation.

A survey by South Africa's First National Bank (FNB) showed the
proportion of homeowners who said they were putting their homes on the
market because they were emigrating had doubled between the last quarter
of 2007 and the second quarter of 2008, from 9 percent to 18 percent.

Emigration was one of the most frequent reasons given by homeowners for
selling up, next only to downscaling because of financial pressures,
according to the FNB residential property barometer.

Foreign embassies in South Africa report a jump in emigration
applications from mainly white South Africans in recent months, amid
growing disillusionment over high levels of violent crime and the
populist slide within the ruling African National Congress (ANC).

A power crisis that has made blackouts a feature of life in a country
that prides itself on having first-world infrastructure, and a recent
outbreak of xenophobic violence have also added to sense of doom and
gloom fuelling emigration.

The Agency said the political situation and crime and violence were
behind the trend.

In South Africa, 50 people are murdered every day and over 130 rape
cases reported. While the past few years have seen a slight drop in
contact crime statistics, the level of violence used during robberies
and other criminal acts has sown terror in the population.

Many white South Africans also take a dim view of the endorsement by the
ruling ANC of party leader Jacob Zuma as its candidate for president in
2009 elections. Zuma faces trial in the coming year on charges of
corruption and fraud.

South Africa's Institute for Race Relations estimates that around
800 000 whites emigrated in the decade from 1995 to 2005. - Sapa-dpa

Quickwire <http://www.int.iol.co.za/general/news/newsprint.php>

/Published on the Web by IOL on 2008-07-22 17:50:42/


How South Africans use Google Earth


Fok Chuck Norris, we have Steve!

Steve Hofmeyer once sakkied with ten poppies at once.

Steve Hofmeyer drives a Tata.

Steve Hofmeyer braais with his fingers.

Steve Hofmeyer doesn't support the Bulls, the Bulls support Steve Hofmeyer.

Steve Hofmeyer doesn't have a good voice, the microphone is scared of
Steve Hofmeyer and makes his voice perfect.

When Steve Hofmeyer stares at raw meat it turns to biltong.

Bless Bridges didn't die in a car crash, Steve Hofmeyer moered him to
death with a red rose.

Morkels gives Steve Hofmeyer any guarantee he wants.

Steve Hofmeyer repossessed Robert Mugabe's Farm.

Not even Chuck Norris gets as many fathers day cards as Steve Hofmeyer.

The "National Party" is actually a term to describe Steve Hofmeyer's
birthday celebrations...

Steve Hofmeyer cannot count. He doesn't need to.

Klipdrift is actually Steve Hofmeyer's urine.

Osama Bin Laden and Steve Hofmeyer have the same amount of letters in
both their names. Coincidence?

Steve Hofmeyer is the only man alive to turn down Patricia Lewis.

Steve Hofmeyer can actually get through on Vodacom.

When Steve Hofmeyer goes to Pick 'n Pay he just picks.

Van on holiday...

Van was on a lekker holiday in Durbs.

One day he heard from his friends that there was a fancy dress ball, and
he could go. The dress theme was to symbolise a country. Unsure what to
do, he hid in a bush outside the hall and watched what was going on.

A woman arrived scantily dressed in a few feathers. When the doorman
asked what country she was she said "Turkey", so he said, "Feathers,
Turkey, OK you can go in".

Another beautiful and shapely woman arrived clad only in a "G" string,
her body smeared with oil. She said she was Iran. "Oil, Iran. OK, go in."

So then Van sauntered up to the door naked except for a brown paper
packet placed over his manhood and said he was from Pakistan.

The doorman could not understand and asked Van to explain: "Bring
daardie twee vroue uit, dan sal jy sien hoe hierdie pakkie staan!"


Adam and Eve in Souf Efrikan Engliesh


Adam & Eve are trapping around the Garden of Eden kaalgat. Eve checks
this lekker apple and she skiems nooit hey, I'm gonna graze it.

Just then a moerse voice from above charfs her. Leave the apple, or I
will send an unimaginable plague upon the earth."

She kaks herself half Stukkend and loses the apple.

A bit later Adam is trapping along when he gooi's a sharp right and
finds this apple. "Bliksem" he skiems. Ah'm gonna chow this thing.
Just then A moerse voice from above chirps him.. Leave the apple, or I
will send an unimaginable plague upon the Earth,

"Ag nooit hey" he rekons, "I'm stukkend hungry" and he grazes it.

That night he and Eve are in bed, when he hears a knock at the door. He
pluks open the front door to hear:

"Eh, sorry baaas, E'm looking for a job......"
...and so the plague began...


US drop Mandela from terror list

July 01 2008 at 08:00PM

Washington - President George Bush has removed former South African
president Nelson Mandela and his African National Congress from the
United States terror watch list, the White House said Tuesday.

The bill was sent to the White House last week and signed in time for
the anti-apartheid leader and Nobel Peace Prize winner's 90th birthday
on July 18.

"Today the United States moved closer at last to removing the great
shame of dishonouring this great leader by including him on our
government's terror watch list," Senator John Kerry said after the bill
was approved Friday.

When a similar bill passed the House of Representatives last month,
Barbara Lee, a California Democrat who co-sponsored it, said she was
"especially pleased we are taking this important step to finally right
this inexcusable wrong."

Lee and others said the legislation introduced during the 1980s while
Ronald Reagan was president was anachronistic and wrongfully labelled as
heroes and freedom fighters as terrorists.

Lee recalled that under the legislation the ANC could travel to United
Nations headquarters in New York but not to Washington, DC, or other
parts of the United States.

In April, US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice urged a Senate
committee to remove the restrictions on the ANC party, calling it a
"rather embarrassing matter that I still have to waive in my own
counterpart, the foreign minister of South Africa, not to mention the
great leader Nelson Mandela." - Sapa-AFP

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