[Fwd: You KNOW ur a TRULY South African DARKIE When...]

We can pretend, put on a show but every so often a moment of DARKIE-NESS
will creep out...

1. You've remixed english with your vernacular countless times.
2. You've accidentally said something like "reach" instead of "rich" or
"kettle" when you meant "cattle".
3. You think BEE is the best thing that's ever happened in this country.
4. iCARVELLA, the ghetto choice...enough said!
5. Whenever there's a family occassion, you always meet or discover a
random new family member...ALWAYS O_o
6.You know black people can't swim cos they aint streamline enough!
7. In the FEW occassions that you do decide to swim, you wear a plastic
bag on your head coz u scared your hair's gonna "KRAMP"
8.Ladies: A DARKIE guy has MACD on you and his first line was: "Eish
baby ngiyakuthanda..."
9.You get followed around the store because they think you're there to
steal. By black people NOG AL!
10.You don't use hair straighteners because you kinda know they're for
white hair and you know your hair's gonna fall out...EVENTUALLY....Eish
but they work miracles on weaves! Tjo!
11.Eish is a primary word in your vocabulary. [See above, point made]
12.You know that ATM stands for African Trademark, this means that your
booty could give J-Lo a run for her money.
13.Your family slaughters an animal at every occassion, even if its a
1-year old's B-day party.
14. When there's a funeral/wedding at your house, the WHOLE
neighbourhood rocks up just as lunch is served.
15.Your family keeps AFRICAN TIME- which runs +/-2 hrs behind normal time.
16.IF you've been to a school outside of SOWETO or any other kasi,
you're referred to a coconut, cheesegirl/boy etc.
17.SUNLIGHT green soap is the number one solution to household
everything: Dishes, laundry...even constipation! Wakakaka!
18.You know jus where to get the best amagwinya with special,chips,
snook fish and KOTA supreme!!yummmeee!
19.You've practically braaied your scalp to try straighten that unruly
bush you call hair AKA "iKaffir hare".
20.You know what I'm talkin bout when I say Lesilo is the scariest MOFO
in this world!! O_o
21.IF you do swim...there's a customary "wipe ur face wit ur hand" move...
22.Your mother calls you into her room, which is on the other wing of
the house, jus to ask you to pass her the phone which is an arm's reach
away from her...
23.Ladies: U stick ur tongue out and roll your eyes back while dancing
and screaming "ayoba yo!!!"
24.YOU WATCH GENERATIONS!!!
25.You know all of Menzi Ngubane's nick names: Sibusiso Dlomo, Ngamla,
Mazwi (PaH! HOOO!); but if you see him in the street, you'll call him
uSibusiso ANYWAY...cos you too lazy to remember his REAL name. LMDAO!
26.When you have or know a person with a funky ass English name like
"Patience" "Gifted" Essentials" "Excellent" but my favourite is "Matric
Exemption" viva black nation with beautiful but strange names!!
A few other RIDICULOUS names: "Looksmart","Service rovider","Innocentia"
and "Trifina", "Very Fine"...eish darkies! =D
27.When we say 'shoot me' instead of 'take a photo of me'...
28. You speak zulu/tswana/sotho-english...you use proper VERNAC words
but then add a -rize!!
e.g plz khaparize me to the shop...that ryt there is ghetto!
=D
29.Everytime we start a dance or something 2 do with group
co-ordination...we don't say 3,2,1 we go ONE-TOH ONE TOH!!gotta luv it!
30. You know this equation very well: SUN+DARKIE=SKIN TRAGEDY!!! MUST
AVOID THE SUN LIKE THE BLACK PLAGUE...@ ALL TIMES BY ALL MEANS.
30. a) You're a darkie chic and you've used Ponds to make you lighter!
31. EVERY TOOTHPASTE IS COLGATE NO MATTER THE BRAND!
32. EVERY COLD DRINK IS COKE no matter the flavor!
33. You listen to Yfm or Metro. Yfm for the daymn good House music, cus
HOUSE ROX...and that's the TRUTH! Metro for the Sunday RnB while
cleaning or "vreifing" the stoep with Cobra polish + hangover from
Saturday night's bash.
34. You've walked past a white man or woman's car and they locked the
car while you watched because they thought you were going to perform a
smash and grab stunt on them! LMAO!
35. You are so PROUD ukuthi we are hosting 2010 because you still
believe in South Africa!.

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