Fwd: Three men and a Genie

Three men, an Irish farmer, Julius Malema and a boertjie, are granted
one wish each by a Genie.

The Irish farmer wishes that all the land in Ireland will be the most
fertile in the world, forever and ever.

"POOF!"

This was done in a flash and the Irish Farmer was very satisfied.

Malema was next and very amazed and impressed at this display of power.

He started his wish: "I want all the whites to be removed from Africa
and a great wall must be built around all of my black brothers and
sisters to protect them. This wall must be so high and so strong that
no whites can come onto our land at all to corrupt us with their
colonial lies and steal our resources and mines."

"POOF!"

This, too was done in a flash. A great wall now surrounded Africa.
Julius Malema glowed and triumphantly glared at the Boertjie, now
standing outside.

Boertjie said: "Before I make my wish, tell me more about this wall."

Genie says: "It's 5,000 ft high, 5,000 bricks thick. Nothing gets in,
nothing gets out, guaranteed."

Boertjie lights up his pipe, smiles and says to the Genie, "Maak hom
vol water, Boet!"

[Fwd: Premier owes thousands in traffic fines (summarised)]

By Angelique Serrao, Gill Gifford and Louise Flanagan

Gauteng's number 1 citizen owes the Johannesburg Traffic Department more
than R17 000 in unpaid traffic fines and has two warrants of arrest
pending against her.

According to information obtained, Premier Nomvula Mokonyane has 50
speeding fines registered under her identity number on the metro
police's data base.

The fines, which range in cost from R100 to R1 500, were incurred over
four years with the earliest recorded in July, 2005, for an offence
committed in Ontdekkers Road and the latest committed in December, 2009,
on the M2 east.

Mokonyane's unpaid traffic fines came to the fore during Independent
Newspapers' audit into the premier's lifestyle.

The premier refused to answer any questions relating to the fines or her
lifestyle.

"Why do I want to take part in this?" she asked.

In total the premier owes the JMPD a total of R17 250.

-------------------------------------------------

This article was originally published on page 1 of The Pretoria News on
March 23, 2010

Published on the Web by IOL on 2010-03-23 04:46:00

FHM: Lee-Ann Liebenberg and Tanit Phoenix

Proudly South African...

Fwd: South Africa 2010 World Cup Advert

Fwd: The baas

Sipho goes to work -- badly bruised and covered in blood.

The lady at the reception who opens the door is very concerned and
asks him what happened.

"Eish madam, the baas, he hit me!"

"No, Sipho, those days are long over... they can't do that anymore! We
are going straight to the police."

At the police station, the officer asks Sipho if he knows the name of
the baas that hit him.

Sipho replies, "Yes sir, it was a PUTCO BAAS."

Fwd: Kulula's great sense of humour

Fwd: Joe Citizen - The Times - March 2010

[Fwd: Mobs of schoolchildren trash Soweto streets]

Police fired rubber bullets at mobs of schoolchildren who went on the
rampage outside the Protea Magistrate's Court on Friday, attempting to
rob passers-by and blocking traffic.

A nyala (Armored Patrol Vehicle) slowly drove past the hundreds of
students, with police officers firing a few shots from inside.

It was enough to send the students fleeing, leaving them waiting on the
parameter of the park across from the court building.

Hundreds of schoolchildren arrived at the court around 9.30am in a third
day of protests against hip-hop artist Molemo "Jub Jub" Maarohanye and
Themba Tshabalala, accused of killing four schoolchildren in a drag
racing accident.

Maarohanye and Tshabalala are facing charges of murder, attempted murder
and reckless and drunken driving after an alleged drag racing accident
on March 8 that killed four pupils and critically injured two others.

Aggressive protesters, some dressed in school uniform, attempted to rob
a man on a bicycle but eventually let him go.

Others accosted a bread truck and managed to open its back door. One of
the protesters grabbed a bread loaf before the truck sped off. The loaf
was flung into the air.

Johannesburg metro police officers arrived on the scene later to support
police officials who were pointing shot guns loaded with rubber bullets
at the children.
-Sapa

[Fwd: Woman 'manhandled' for double parking (summarised)]

Woman 'manhandled' for double parking.

Abuse of power by the police and traffic authorities has come under the
spotlight following the broadcast of film footage showing Tshwane Metro
police members manhandling a woman, handcuffing and arresting her for a
parking violation.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

By Gill Gifford

Abuse of power by the police and traffic authorities has come under the
spotlight following the broadcast of film footage showing Tshwane Metro
police members manhandling a woman, handcuffing and arresting her for a
parking violation.

The incident, which happened at the end of November last year, was
captured by one of the Tshwane municipality's security cameras.

On the day of the incident Magdel and her mother Annemarie Steyn had
driven from Germiston to Pretoria for business. Magdel had dropped her
mother off at the Registrar of Companies at the corner of Meintjies and
Esselen Streets in Sunnyside and went to park nearby, joining a line of
cars that were double-parked.

A metro official in a marked vehicle hooted at her, prompting her to
move forward. He hooted again and so she drove around the block and
parked on the opposite side of the intersection on the curb when he
confronted her angrily as she sat in her car.

"Immediately he was very aggressive. He just told me: 'What's your
problem, why can't you move?' I tried to explain she'll be back within
five minutes. After telling him the story I closed my window and he
started banging with his fist against the window. And I actually started
getting scared because he was really using quite a bit of force," said
Steyn.

She tried to move her car again, but a group of Metro officers swooped
on her, just as her mother arrived back at the car.

About 11 traffic officials were shown to take control of the situation
as Steyn was grabbed by a female Metro officer who threw her against the
roof of a Metro tow truck. She was told that her car was to be impounded.

Annemarie Steyn, who kept pleading for an explanation for what wrong had
been done, was prevented from helping her daughter who was pushed around
and roughly cuffed with her hands behind her back.

Metro police spokesman Console Tleane said Magdel had failed to heed
verbal warnings that she was obstructing traffic and therefore
endangering the lives of other road users. The circumstances had come
about because she had been unco-operative, prompting the Metro official
to call for back-up.

Magdel spent the night at the Sunnyside police cells, while her frantic
mother was told she would be charged with attempted murder. However, the
next morning Magdel was charged in court with reckless and negligent
driving and ordered to pay an admission of guilt fine of R1 500 to go
free. She did this and now has a criminal record.

The Steyn family has laid criminal charges against the Tshwane Metro
police for Magdel's injuries and suffering as well as thousands of rands
stolen from her impounded car, and damage caused to the interior because
the windows were left open during a rain storm.

Tleane said the entire matter was under investigation, and no action has
been taken against anyone.

This article was originally published on page 2 of The Pretoria News on
March 16, 2010

[Fwd: Malema ordered to pay R50 000]

The Johannesburg Equality Court on Monday found ANC Youth League
president Julius Malema guilty of hate speech and harassment.

"This court is satisfied that the utterances by the respondent ...
amounted to hate speech," said Magistrate Colleen Collis.

"The uttered words constitute harassment as contemplated in the Equality
Act."

Collis ordered Malema to make an unconditional public apology within two
weeks and pay R50 000 to a centre for abused women within one month.

Collis concluded her judgment with a word of wisdom to Malema: "Mr
Malema, being a man of vast political influence, be wary of turning into
a man that often speaks but never talks."

[Fwd: Zuma cleans up at Buckingham]

"And after you have weeded over there, I want you to water the daffodils
and then clean up the corgis' poo in the backyard."

[Fwd: Parties slam Malema's 'kill the boer' chants]

By Carien du Plessis
Political Bureau

ANC Youth League leader Julius Malema's "kill the boer" chant could land
him in hot water after a barrage of criticism from political parties and
complaints to the Human Rights Commission and the police.

The commission was apparently inundated with phone calls from irate
members of the public after Malema sang dubul' ibhunu at a University of
Johannesburg gathering on Tuesday. The complainants described the song,
which was also sang at Malema's birthday rally, as hate speech.

Commission spokesperson Vincent Moaga said by on Wednesday afternoon
that they had received at least 10 letters of complaint, one of which
was from the Afrikanerbond.

The commission years ago ruled that Malema's predecessor, Peter Mokaba's
slogan "Kill the boer, the farmer" was hate speech.

Constitutional expert Pierre de Vos from the University of Cape Town
said on Wednesday Malema's song was "probably hate speech" as it was
directed against harming a specific group of people based on race.

Freedom Front Plus leader Pieter Mulder said on Wednesday he had lodged
a complaint of hate speech against Malema with the Brooklyn police.

The Afrikanerbond's Jan Bosman said Malema's song comes against the
backdrop of 750 to 800 attacks against farmers every year.

Apart from these complaints, Malema could also face a defamation suit
from Western Cape Premier Helen Zille.

The DA leader said she would seek legal opinion after Malema's
accusations that she was a "satanist" because she broke down churches in
Khayelitsha.

She accused President Jacob Zuma of "tip-toeing" around Malema, and
said: "Malema is leading the ANC by the nose. He is a law unto himself."

This article was originally published on page 1 of The Cape Times on
March 11, 2010

Fwd: Tyre repair, South African style

[Fwd: The conversation that will never take place]

Things the Queen and Zuma probably won't say

*By John Scott*

This is the conversation that President Jacob Zuma and Queen Elizabeth
probably didn't have around the banqueting table at Buckingham Palace:

JZ: It's a great pleasure to be here this evening, your majesty.

QE: So nice to have you, Mr President. Please call me ma'am.

JZ: And you can call me Jake, er, ma'am. What's "ma'am" stand for,
ma'am, if I may ask?

QE: Oh, "madam", I suppose.

JZ: That takes me back to my young days, when we had to call all white
madams "madam". That's all finished now in South Africa.

QE: I'm so glad. It's just a formality here in court. Have you been to
court before, President... er, Jake?

JZ: Yes, but as you know, I was acquitted of all charges.

QE: Of course. I meant the court of St James. Cultural differences cause
so much misunderstanding, though I've always been interested in
diversity within the Commonwealth.

We have fox-hunting and grouse-shooting, and you have
cattle-slaughtering to celebrate important events. Both pretty bloody,
really, except that there's more point to yours.

No one eats the fox except the dogs.

JZ: We slaughtered quite a few cattle at my wedding feasts.

QE: That's another difference. You have polygamy, and here even having a
second spouse is a criminal offence. My own forebears made up for it
with a succession of mistresses, except for Henry VIII who had six wives
though not all at the same time. He bumped each one off before he took
on another.

JZ: That's what my critics don't understand. Polygamy means no one has
to get divorced, let alone get bumped off, before a person can remarry.

QE: Mind you, my crowd had a lot of mistresses, too. Charles II is
supposed to have had a record number, but my great-grandfather Edward
VII didn't do too badly either.

JZ: In my country some people make such a fuss even if you only have one
or two.

QE: It was so nice meeting your first wife, Thobeka. I'm sorry you
didn't bring any of the others. I'm sure we could have found more space
for them round the table.

JZ: Well, Nompumelelo's got a bit of a problem at the moment. They want
to kick her out of her eight-bedroomed Durban house in spite of my good
friend Erwin Ullbricht being more than willing to go on paying the rent.

QE: I hate these accommodation problems. I have always found the palace
cold and draughty. But they insist on Philip and I staying here. It's
the British puritanical streak. Discomfort is supposed to promote good
morals.

JZ: That reminds me, ma'am. You may not know that I am leading a
national campaign of moral regeneration in South Africa. We believe it's
the only way to stop corruption, immorality and same-sex marriages.

QE: That's wonderful news, Jake. If there is any support I can give you
as supreme governor of the Church of England - except for same-sex
marriages of course - please let me know.

JZ: Thank you, ma'am. I myself speak as an ordained honorary minister of
the Full Gospel Community Church in Ntuzuma, which is part of the
Independent Charismatic group.

QE: I'm afraid I'm not really a happy clapper, Jake. But we may have
more in common than I thought.

Fwd: A message to all ANC Youth League supporters

Old car ads

...somewhat in tune with the most recent posts.

[Fwd: Julius the role model (edit)]

By Mercury Correspondents

As media scrutiny continued around Julius Malema yesterday, it appeared
he no longer had a valid driver's licence and that he also had several
unpaid fines.

The Mercury has reliably learned, and confirmed, that Malema's driver's
licence expired in September last year and has not been renewed.

It has also been established that the ANC Youth League president has 12
outstanding traffic fines, amounting to R4 450.

The offences were committed during the past two years around in Joburg.
Eleven of them were for speeding and one for jumping a red robot
(traffic light). The fines range from R100 to R1 100 from September 2008
until September last year.

According to an official at the traffic department, nine of Malema's
fines have "stagnated" after several failed attempts by traffic
officials to serve summons for the outstanding fines at an address in
Seshego, Limpopo. The Joburg Metro Police Department claims he could not
be found, despite Malema being a prominent figure. (???)

All the fines were linked to a C-class Mercedes-Benz, which Malema last
week confirmed as the only vehicle that he owned.

He has also been seen on two separate occasions in a a R1.2m Range Rover
that lacked number plates.

Malema refused to comment on the outstanding traffic fines or his
expired driver's licence. When he was initially contacted he asked for a
request via Sms, but failed to respond to that and to numerous follow-up
telephone calls. However, youth league spokesman Floyd Shivambu
responded on Malema's behalf, saying: "We don't know anything about
that, so I won't be commenting."

Shivambu said the information was confidential and threatened to "act"
if it was published.

Source: IOL