Fwd: Riding the ANACONDA

I am a father. So,sometimes i need to do stuff that fathers do. In the
old days, it was marbles and tolle and ketties. Things have changed.

So,two weeks ago,the fucking bright sparks over the road here,whispered
the words "GOLD REEF CITY" into my laaities ears,and what can you do?You
go to GRC.

Ok,so i checked the website...nananana,looks like piss,hier en daar n
fokken ride or two,and i wanted to go down the mine. So ek trek my
plakkies aan, kam my hare, and off we go.

We got there early. Ek kap manhaftig twee worsbroodjies weg, en n
halfliter melk, and followed my son to the first ride...called Runaway
Train.

We get on, and i thought these things were for kids and stuff,and off it
went. I did not like it. It was going sideways and shit,and i was queasy
when i got off.

What bothered me though was the sound coming from behind me somewhere.
Dit klink soos n fokken boeing wat land. And then i saw it. Big
signwriting...ANAFOKKENCONDA.

I had to keep face, i wear the pants in this family. Ek maak my arms
bak, en ek loop fier en regop teen die dekplank op. Ek gaan die donner
ry, what can go wrong?

There was a queue and the fuck up with that is, you can see what the
thing does to people.

When it came in the second time,and a young student dude, met spiere
waar ek voue het, got out, and kots oor die reling, toe weet ek, my kak
is uitgeknip vir my.

Then it was our turn.Jono chickened out, BUT my wife was checking me
out. This is where you have to be nonchalant,and manly. I kept my chin
up, en my hol toegeknyp.

You get into this thing, and you hang. The safety bar didnt want to go
over my hoenderborsie, so i pulled a Ville Valo, and made myself thin,
and hooked a clip too close....i think.

KLANG KLANG KLANG KLANG....en kom ons fok nie rond nie....skielik is ek
so bang dat ek n bliksemse nieraanval kry.....

dan draai die etterse ding en dan......P@$S HY NA BENEDE....MET DIE
SPOED VAN DIE HEILIGE FOKKEN WIT ELAND.

I shit you not, forget any car,bike,plane or whatever the fuck you
measure your manliness by....it accelerated like nothing i have ever felt.
But if this wasnt enough, gaan donner die ding onderstebo met jou. I
feel the worsrolletjie. No wait, i feel the texture of the
worsrolletjie, every fucking fibre of the worsrolletjie.

Kerels, we came out that first loop met die spoed van fokken wit lig. I
wanted it to stop.I havent prayed in 22 years....i did then. We levelled
out,and then it hit the second loop.
Shorter radius than the first. Ons fok daardeur,en ek verloor my
plakkie. Onderstebo, and then around 2 flat corners wa ek 10 jaar ouer
word, and then....the fucking thing corkscrewed.
Klits daai fokken broodjie en die melk laat dit lyk soos daai kak wat jy
oor bobotie gooi, and another,en fok dit, toe skree ek soos n Namibiese
vlakte vlermuis wat se sonar gekak het.

And into the station at 200kmh, and just for shits and giggles, they
stop it in 10m flat.

I just sat there. Stunned,and my wife is oooh and aaaahing, en
lets-go-againing....sy moet haar jags hou.

It fucked my whole day up.

[Fwd: 'Tokoloshe stole court dockets']

A public petition handed to the Pietermaritzburg Magistrate's Court on
Monday alleges that tokoloshes (evil spirits) are being used to steal
court dockets.

The petition alleged that murder accused Mduduzi Manqele, a wealthy
traditional healer, was "well-known for keeping evil creatures which
collect dockets from court".

"We fear, once released, his evil creatures will tamper with the
investigations," the petition continued.

A crowd of of people, who had travelled about 45km to the court,
protested loudly outside.

Manqele, 48, and co-accused Roger Thusi, 30, face charges of murdering
Loyisa Jokweni, 18, whose head was found in a freezer in the home of
Thusi's girlfriend in Pietermaritzburg.

A source in the community said Thusi led the police to Manqele after
allegedly being told by him to behead Jokweni and put the head in a
freezer "to get rich".

After the discovery of the head in the freezer, angry people from the
area where Manqele practised set fire to his house and tuckshop. They
also burned the house where Thusi allegedly kept the head, with a frozen
snake coiled around it.

...and there goes the evidence a first- or third-world police could've
used for the case.

------------------

PS: The pamphlet is, in fact, part of a guerilla marketing campaign for
a movie. See http://www.nightdrivemovie.com/

[Fwd: Cop accused of raping man]

By Karabo Seanego

A Tshwane Metro Police officer is expected to appear in the Pretoria
Magistrate's Court soon after he allegedly raped a man and stole his
cellphone.

He is the second Tshwane Metro Police officer to be arrested in less
than a fortnight.

In the latest incident a 29-year-old off-duty officer was arrested on
Friday night for rape and theft.

Police said the officer and his alleged victim were having drinks in
Pretoria North.

The officer later offered to take the man home but in 15th Avenue,
Rietfontein, he allegedly raped him.

The 26 year-old alleged victim managed to walk to the Moot police
station in 18 th Avenue to report the matter.

Police spokesman Tshisikhawe Ndou said: "Immediately after the incident
he left the victim there and fled the scene.

"The suspect will be facing a charge of rape as well as theft of a
cellphone. He will be appearing in the Pretoria Magistrate's Court
soon."

This brings the number of metro police officers who have been arrested
for criminal behaviour to two this month.

The Tshwane Metro Police Department (TMPD) said more than 30 cases
involving its members are being investigated.

Fwd: Big Boy!

[Fwd: South Africa: On the road to ruin]

South Africans seem to be in a bit of a foul and restless mood, with
the gyrations of our philandering president and the rather large
potholes on our roads being the subjects enjoying the attention of
raspier tongues, especially among the chattering classes.

Jacob Zuma is, frankly, not worth our breath. He's best left alone. He's
digging his own grave. Potholes - and the general decline of our
infrastructure - are another matter, however. They are a serious matter,
but only the tip of the iceberg.

Travelling around the country, one cannot but be shocked at the state of
our towns and cities. The streets are a sorry mess, squalid, with
overgrown verges, paint peeling off buildings - a general state of
neglect and decay. It's as if nobody is in charge. It is as though since
the last apartheid apparatchik was chased out of town nobody has cared
to lift a finger even to sweep the place. And with the current obsession
with renaming things, one is often even confused as to which town or
street one is in.

In days yonder, a perfect date for a township dude, dressed to the nines
of course, was taking her to the movies, and thereafter some
"window-shopping" in town. Not anymore. It's all boarded up now. Whether
it's Johannesburg, Pretoria, Durban, or any of the many small towns
across the land, some parts of the CBD have become a jungle, and even a
health hazard. No longer a place to dare to venture, let alone take a
leisurely stroll. Capital has also taken flight.

The ANC woke up quite late in the day to the crucial role played by
local government in the life of a nation. After the election in 1994,
most of the organisation's bright sparks scrambled for seats in the
national parliament. Positions in city and town councils were seen as
nothing but crumbs from the table. It was left to its third string to
run our towns and cities. And they've run them down.

Also, in trying to merge towns and townships and do away with the old
apartheid boundaries, the ANC has lumped everything together to create
huge metropolises which its hand-picked, often incompetent, mandarins
have found almost impossible to govern. It created a gulf between
rate-payers and city halls, hence the alienation.

But the biggest problem, which probably explains the nationwide protests
over service delivery, is our system of local government, which ensures
that town mayors and managers whose actions and decisions have a huge
impact on people's lives are imposed by party bosses without any say by
the governed. Such a system is obviously undemocratic, and is no credit
to our much-vaunted constitution.

People in such positions are often not sensitive to ordinary citizens'
concerns because they are not appointed or elected by them. They are
accountable to those who appointed them, the party bosses. Which is why
Amos Masondo, the dozy mayor of Johannesburg, can easily pooh-pooh the
outrage caused by the potholes which have disfigured the streets of this
metropolis. He's not bothered by the outrage. He was imposed by the ANC.
And as long as the ANC is happy with this sort of incompetence, so is he.

The country holds yet another local government election next year. It
will improve or solve nothing. We will exchange one group of
incompetents for yet another bunch of ineffectual individuals. They're
not to blame either. It's simply the outcome of an inappropriate system
of government.

It's not surprising that as we approach next year's election, none of
the political parties has suggested making the system more accountable.
They won't. The current system suits them just fine.

If you want clean streets and refuse that's removed on time, agitate for
elected representatives at local government. It's called democracy.

Fwd: Seen at a Cape Town Checkers staff entrance

Is die Kaap nie 'n wonderlike plek nie? Ek dink nie jy sal 'n
soortgelyke kennisgewing enige ander plek in die wereld kry nie!

Fwd: Welkom in ons vuilgat dorpie

[Fwd: HAPPY NEW YEAR]

In case you were thinking that Berea and Hillbrow entered the New Year
(2010) in a civilized fashion, the MOB showed their mentality.

This series of photographs was taken between 7am and 8am on 1 January,
2010. Is this a war zone or a NORMAL residential area, one might ask.

These people have the STRANGEST way of celebrating -- by TRASHING their
streets.

The people of Hillbrow and Berea have a somewhat unique way of heralding
in the New Year.

Each New Year's night, at the stroke of midnight, they show their
enthusiasm and exuberance by throwing their belongings over their flats'
balconies.

However, as had been the case in previous years, I did not see any
fridges or stoves that had been thrown off any balconies this year.

I MUST pay a CID levy to clean up others' MESS!!!!

Now I understand why the SAP were issued with military "moss-doppe"
(steel helmet, plastic liner) for doing their patrolling last night. Not
that a moss-dop would offer much protection, without its steel "outer".

A year or two ago we were told that the police went into these buildings
and MADE the tenants come out and clean their MESS. Certainly not the
case here. This building also falls within the CID area, I have to PAY
extra, besides my rates and taxes, to keep the place "cleaner."

I wonder if someone went without a bed after the celebrations?/

The ABOVE pictures show clearly why South Africa under the MOB RULE
system of so called DEMOCRACY can NEVER work.

The mob's MENTALITY is quite obvious.

And with authorities who are TOTALLY incompetent and incapable of
running the bathwater, let alone a city.

The final, long-term outcome, is quite clear.

One consolation, I suppose, I never saw any fridges or stoves that had
been thrown off balconies this year.

For those of you that might have friends and relatives (especially
overseas) that knew what Hillbrow used to be like in the NAUGHTY
apartheid days, please pass this mail on to them so they can see how
much things have *IMPROVED* under the new dispensation. *Viva !!!*

Fwd: New Springbok Emblem for the New Year

Heppy Krismis

Never drink and drive

[Fwd: Hippo attack photos]

NELSPRUIT - The head of veterinary wildlife services of SANParks
stared into the jaws of death "last month" when a hippo he thought was
sound asleep, charged him.

Dr Markus Hofmeyr told a newspaper that he thought "it was tickets"
when the darted animal woke up. He was a member of a research team
that was testing a new anaesthetic for hippo in the Kruger National
Park. Colleague Dr Peter Buss, senior manager of the veterinary unit
in the park, took spectacular photos of the encounter with this
mammal, which is one of the most dangerous herbivores in Africa.

The incident took place just upstream of the Crocodile Bridge Camp, in
the Crocodile River. Hofmeyr, Buss and Dr Nico de Bruyn of the mammal
research institute of the University of Pretoria, were researching a
novel combination of drugs that can be administered by a dart to
anaesthetise hippo.

The hippo made another surge for the pair before both escaped unhurt.

A gamekeeper shot the hippo dead. Dr Hofmeyr said: "We think the hippo
was woken by water up its nose. We'll muzzle these animals in future."

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=177000148981736

[Fwd: Eskom workers trash power station]

Date: 13 July 2010 10:27
Subject: Medupi Power Station - Ellisras

The workers on site received free food parcels, every day.

There was an agreement with ESKOM that, after one year, they would be
receiving hot meals instead of food parcels. MPS-JV employees are now
upset at not receiving hot meals, as promised, and yesterday they
protested by throwing their food parcels at management!

Now you might get an idea why Eskom needed a couple of billions.

Daily thousands of employees at Medupi receive free food, on top of free
accommodation, transport, etc. And considering 900 000 people lost their
jobs last year, and how many millions of people are living in poverty
and don't know where their next meal is coming from... these photos just
explain it all!!!!

Fwd: Clear operating instructions

[Fwd: Service]

I became confused when I heard the word _'service'_ used with these
agencies.

South African Revenue _'Service'_
Postal _'Service'_
Telephone _'Service'_
Municipal _'Service'_
Civil _'Service_'
South African Police _'Service'_
Customer _'Service'_

This is not what I thought 'service' meant.

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had
hired a bull to _'service'_ a few cows.

BAM!!! It all came into focus.

Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.

You are now as enlightened as I am!