Hijackers get smart with GPS

By Thandi Skade

Imagine surviving the trauma of a hijacking, only to come home a
few days later to find your house has been broken into and ransacked.

Your initial thoughts may be that it's a coincidence or perhaps
a case of seriously bad luck.

But this may not necessarily be the case if you are the owner of
a global positioning system (GPS), a device that is quickly gaining

popularity among motorists around the country.

People who have difficulty reading a normal road map describe it
as a "God-send" as signal information from 24 satellites in orbit is

transmitted straight to the device, which then calculates the
user's exact location and displays it on the unit's electronic map.

But as useful as the device is in helping motorists to find
their way, criminals have now found a way of using the device against
its owner.

ADT Armed Response has issued a security alert to all GPS owners
urging them not to programme their home addresses into the device, as

hijackers are now using the device to figure out where their
victims live.

"Hijackers are now identifying victims' residences by simply
selecting or typing the word 'home' as a destination," said ADT Joburg's managing director Roy Rawlings.

"This results in GPS systems directing hijackers straight to
victims' houses."

Instead of programming your home address onto the system,
Rawlings suggests that you programme a nearby location, such as a petrol
station or shopping centre.

In this way, criminals will have no way of figuring out your
physical address.

Rawlings further advises GPS owners "to activate the lockout or
security feature of their GPS system, which will help prevent anyone
else from operating it.

"This means that when you switch off your car, your GPS system
will also shut down.

"When the vehicle is restarted and the GPS system is
reactivated, a pin or code will be required," making it impossible for a
criminal to access your information.

This article was originally published on page 9 of The
Star on January 29, 2008

Another Gatiep one

Gatiep and Karools are sitting on death row. Gatiep says to the Warder,
does this take long and is it painfull? Warder says no they just strap
you in and flick the switch and its over.

Karools is called in, moments later Gatiep hears screeming shouting and
this carries on for quite a while.

Gatiep says to the Warder I thought you said it was quick and painless.

Warder replies that as result of the load shedding they have to now
use candles.

SA's current power cuts

Power cuts, or load shedding as they call it, is happening country wide
on a daily basis. We were without electricity on Saturday afternoon and
Monday evening, the latter being for 3 hours. This is having a major
impact on the economy as businesses (those that don't have back-up
generators) have to close down and obviously lose a lot of revenue.

Traffic lights also get affected and trying to cross intersections gets
extremely dangerous because of the lack of courtesy from other drivers,
particularly the taxis.

It is estimated that this is going to be an on-going problem for between
5 - 8 years until new sources of power can be introduced. Oh happy days.
The following happened yesterday:

By Louise Flanagan

Michael Bevan was undergoing a complicated operation on his carotid
artery when the power went off.

"At the most important point, the power went," said cardiologist Farrel
Hellig, who was carrying out the procedure on Thursday at Netcare
Sunninghill Hospital in Sandton.

"The consequences could have been a massive, severe stroke or death."

Hellig said the back-up power came on within 10 minutes, but for those
few crucial minutes he was unable to do anything for his patient.

"The timing of it was at the worst possible moment."

He was inserting a stent into the carotid artery - the artery that
supplies blood to the brain - in Bevan's neck because the artery was
dangerously narrowed.

"The critical point of the procedure is the positioning and release of
the stent, which is a metal mesh tube used to scaffold the blockage, to
keep it open," said Hellig.

"We couldn't complete the procedure and had to leave all the equipment
in the artery for 10 minutes."

Bevan, who is 69, wasn't under general anaesthetic.

"The patient is awake during this procedure, so the patient is aware of
all the stresses that the staff are under and is aware that there is a
problem," said Hellig.

Bevan said he was conscious of what was happening but wasn't nervous,
partly because the back-up power came on soon and partly because the
medical team didn't panic. He said the operation started at 7am and
lasted until the power cut at about 10am.

"Eskom has to tell you what's going on, and the hospital has to take
action before the power switches off," said Bevan.

Hellig said he had heard "at the last minute", after the operation had
started, that a power cut was imminent. The team were trying to finish
before the power went off, but rushing through such a procedure is not wise.

Dr Farrell Spiro, an interventional radiologist, said he also had a
procedure interrupted by the power cut.

"I had to stop the procedure because it was just too dangerous."

Spiro said he usually phoned Eskom each day to check on the planned
cuts. However, when he called initially on Thursday, nobody answered,
and then the phone was picked up and put down.

He said Eskom didn't always keep to its schedule, which made it
difficult for doctors to plan.

Sunninghill Hospital has back-up generators, but doctors said there was
a critical period between the power cutting and the generators kicking
in, which left patients in limbo.

In addition, the generators are not able to run all the equipment
because some machines require too much power for them.

There were two power cuts at Sunninghill on Thursday, and several dips
in the power.

In each dip, equipment switches off and staff are unable to monitor
patients undergoing procedures until computers and other machines turn
on again.

This has happened daily for the past week.

The hospital also houses a world-renowned cardiac unit for children,
which takes referrals of extremely ill youngsters from around the
country and from other African countries.

The doctors said the power cuts were putting ill children undergoing
procedures at risk.

*This article was originally published on page 1 of The Star
<http://www.thestar.co.za/> on January 18, 2008 *

Article from The Times

This week I felt as if I was a participant in the popular TV reality
programme, Survivor.

Rather than being dispatched to an exotic island in the Pacific with
lush surroundings, unspoiled beaches and crystal clear water — I was
dumped in the rain- soaked northern suburbs of Johannesburg; the
challenge being to endure a working week without the comfort of a
dependable source of electricity or water.

Monday was trouble free, but the pressure began to mount on Tuesday
afternoon when Waverley suffered its first power outage.

To Sasfin's credit they had the foresight to instal generators some time
ago, but demand linked to the bank's growth and a minor technical
problem confined the energy supply to critical functions only, such as
computer applications. Our lights and air-conditioning were deemed
non-essential.

I'm fortunate enough to have an office with windows, but it's south
facing. By late afternoon the sunlight had faded making it impossible to
read anything clearly.

With two radio reports to file I faced a dilemma.

Unruffled I deployed a practice that I had picked up from Alec, the
London investment banker whose adventures are documented daily in a
cartoon strip in Business Day — I used my BlackBerry to project light on
my notes.

On Wednesday morning I returned sweaty from my morning run to find that
our water had been cut off.

It is a common occurrence in my suburb. For the past six months we have
experienced regular problems with decaying pipes in the area, the
consequence of years of neglect and poor maintenance by the relevant
authorities.

Last year I was forced to book into the Melrose Arch and Wanderers
Protea Hotels a few times, at great expense, to shave and shower to be
in time for important meetings.

I have since discovered that it is more economical to take out an annual
membership at the Virgin Active Gym in Melrose Arch and use their
bathroom facilities in case of an emergency .

Under pressure to reach the office by 8am on Wednesday morning, though,
I changed tack. I bathed in my swimming pool and used hot water from an
Aquazania dispenser to shave and sponge down.

Not ideal, yet without the need to pack a bag, sign in and out of the
hotel, I was able to keep my appointment.

Though we experienced no further power cuts on Wednesday and Thursday,
problems in other areas, notably Rosebank, began to disrupt our work flow.

Load shedding interfered with the normal functioning of a number of
servers supporting vital applications, such as e-mail, the Internet and
our accounting system.

When power was cut on Friday afternoon in Waverley, the small problem
with our generator had been repaired, enabling the restoration of all
functions in our applications other than the air conditioning plant,
which is a huge consumer of kilowatts. The only inconvenience suffered
was that with windows open the raucous din emitted by the diesel-driven
generators made it gruelling to communicate by phone.

By Friday evening I felt I was on top of the game. I had navigated my
way through the worst of the storm without having to delay a meeting,
miss a deadline or cancel a transaction.

Believing that Eskom would only "load shed" on the weekend if the
situation turned critical, I was confident that I would complete my
first week of Survivor as one of the frontrunners. But it was a bizarre
incident that set me back, though the consequences would have been more
costly had it been a working day.

I had made an arrangement to meet a friend for breakfast at 9.30am on
Saturday . Without warning, my home power was cut at 9am.

Fortunately my electric gates operate on limited battery power to cover
emergencies, but not my garage doors, which have to be set to manual by
disengaging the mechanical gears.

Unfortunately when I pulled the lever to release the mechanism the rope
snapped making it impossible to open the door until the power was
restored. With my car trapped in the garage I was forced to cancel my
outing.

Next week my generator arrives. It's a small machine driven by diesel
that will provide enough power to boil a kettle, run an electric plate,
watch TV (including satellite) and light a room or two.

I've stored five 50-litre drums of water in my garage for drinking and
bathing, and I have the swimming pool to fill the toilet cisterns.

I am all set to face the future, which, by all accounts, remains ominous.

Crime is getting out of hand!

#569: South Africa: The only place...

http://home.arcor.de/hmvh/2006/569.htm

#546: South Africa: Brilliant t-shirt designs

More at http://home.arcor.de/hmvh/2006/546.htm

#544: Newsflash! Nigeria struck by earthquake

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Zuma Products!

South African bush pilot

You are a South African bush pilot.

You fly in some critical medical supplies, enjoy a quick lunch at the
hospital.

It's a stifling 40º in the shade and you're eager to get back up to the
cool, high blue yonder.

On the way back to your plane, you discover that the only bit of shade,
within 10 miles, has become very popular.

You start calculating the distance to the plane door... and wonder...

"Do I feel lucky today?"

#507: Battle of the sexes: Drink survey of South Africans

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Another and more recent survey conducted by a South African magazine
also asked if bartenders could identify a patron's personality based on
the drinks they ordered.

Some fifty bartenders from across the country were interviewed, and
although they were questioned separately, they did concur on most items:

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IF MEN DRINK -

Castle Lager

Unimaginative, boring, civil servant types stuck in a job they hate
who drink alcohol purely because they don't have DSTV or a girlfriend.
This type thinks that NuMetro is a kind of posh train service and that
News Café is a bookshop. If you are a boss looking for a loyal employee,
look no further than a Castle drinker!

Lion Lager

Unimaginative, boring, civil servant types stuck in a job they hate
who drink alcohol purely because they don't have M-Net but a fat wife.
High suicide rate.

Hansa

This crowd is made up mostly of guys who used to be on the cutting edge
some ten years ago in the 90's - but nobody has told them that having a
studded fake diamond earring in one ear and gold-capped teeth ceased
being socially-acceptable in 1994.

Carling Black Label

Stay away from this lot. If they have never been to jail it's because
our Safety and Security Ministry is so inefficient or they're simply out
on bail. Thugs, gangsters, murderers, Pirates fans and wife-beaters, the
lot of them! Will never own a better car than a 1996 Mazda Sting with
17-inch rims and a Sony boombox.

Amstel

Real wannabe intellectual types who are label-conscious. On any given
Saturday afternoon the average Amstel drinker is found dressed in a
Bafana jersey, Diesel jeans and red R1,200 Nike sneakers. Typically
drive a Golf V and have a Nokia 9300.

Heineken

Wannabe, pretentious types who fancy themselves to be unique and on the
cutting edge. Truth be told, they hate the taste of Heineken but will be
damned if they will have their first love, Hansa. In ten years, they'll
be just like today's Hansa drinkers, ie. the guys everybody laughs at
because they support Sundowns and still drive their 2006 Mazda Sting.

Windhoek Lager

Same as the Heineken crowd above but add "got no money to buy Heineken."

Miller

Closet fags who only have Miller in public. Truth be told, they're
really Hooch, Bacardi Breezer or Smirnoff Spin drinkers in private.

Savannah

Alcoholics who are acutely aware of that "6% v/v" on the label.

Castle Milk Stout

Aggressive alcoholics who do not know what "6% v/v" means.

Castle Lite

Serious alcoholics who have bought in into that "the one to have
when you're having more than one". They are generally intelligent
but argumentative types who secretly resent Milk Stout and Savannah
drinkers because that is what they really want to drink. They tend to
like quoting statistics. They'll remark that "the calorie content in
a regular beer is equivalent to seven loaves of bread" as they down
their 17th beer.

Hunter's Dry

Reformed beer drinkers or rural types with big hands (from ploughing).

Bacardi Breezer / Brutal Fruit / Hooch /Smirnoff Spin

One of two things: (a) fags or (b) newcomers to the drinking game.

Wine

Fags.

J&B / Dewars

Poor guys. Cannot tell the difference between whisky and brandy.

Jack Daniels / Johnny Walker Red and Black

Like whisky but don't know the difference between bourbon and a Scotch.
Drink whisky because they just like the taste.

Jameson / Glenfiddich / Chivas Regal / Dimple

Serious whisky connoisseurs.

Smirnoff 1818

Check "Carling Black Label" description the add "rapists" to it.

Mellowood / Richelieu / Martell / Klipdrift (and similar)

Violent. Call every spirit "brandy", even Johnnie Walker. If less than
40 in age, poor. Chances are they will own a Kaizer Chiefs / Orlando
Pirates makalabha and a vuvuzela to go with it..

KWV 10 / Klipdrift Premium (and similar)

Actually likes brandy.

KWV 5

wannabe brandy connoisseur without the money.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

IF WOMEN DRINK -

Any beer

Slut.

Milk Stout

prostitute.

Barcadi Breezer / Hooch

Believe men owe them a living and do not really know that a Hooch goes
for R16 a pop at News Café because they have never actually bought it
for themselves. At their own places you will find Brutal Fruit and/or
Smirnoff Spin empties in their waste.

Brutal Fruit or Smirnoff Spin

Cheap bargain hunters you will generally see in the front of the Edgars
Red Hanger Sale.

Wine by the glass

Pretentious bitches that think they have arrived because they drive a
Peugeot 206 or Renault Clio. They live in a snazzy townhouse they can't
afford and are probably at the pub looking for a dumb arsehole to
subsidise their car instalments / townhouse rent / overdraft repayments.

Wine by the bottle (JC Le Roux, Cold Duck, Graca Rose, etc. excluded)

Classy. Powerful.
Know what they want and probably have a Beemer parked outside.

Amarula Cream (and similar)

Horny. Like... all the time! Mention the alley next to the pub.

Whisky (any whisky)

Even hornier...

Brandy (any brandy)

Horny civil servant types.

Aftershock or Stroh Rum

You're fucked... real fucked!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Contributor unknown]

If at first you don't succeed, buy her another drink!

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#506: South Africa: Mind your I's and your Are's

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Every morning, when the old lady teacher came to the Afrikaans students
for an English lecture she greeted them with "Good morning, class!"

Yet everytime one boy out of the whole class room would get up to greet
the teacher in return.

This happened time and again until she decided to call him up to her
desk and ask him, loud enough for everyone to hear, "Why is it that
every time I greet the whole class, only you stand up to greet me?"

He replied to the teacher in his best English: "It is 'cause I are the
only person in this class what's name are Klaas!"

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[Contributed by Peter Woods]

Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

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#505: South Africa: Philemon and Beauty

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Philemon and Beauty are sixty-nining when Philemon says, "Beauty, did
you know that the government spent R2 million on repairs to Mbeki's
house last year?"

"Eish-wena!" exclaims Beauty. "That is too much money," she adds.

"And," says Philemon, "did you know that one rape occurs every ten
minutes in Egoli?"

"Hau!" replies Beauty. "Philemon, you know everything," she says with
admiration.

"Beauty," says Philemon, "and did you know that Felicia Mabuza-Suttle
had an operation to make her breasts bigger?"

"Haikona Philemon!" exclaims Beauty. "But Philemon," she asks, "even
though you know everything, why are you telling me all this while we
are having the sex?"

And Philemon replies, "Remember last year, when you forgot to buy the
toilet paper over the Christmas weekend, and we had to use newspaper?"

"Yebo, I remember", says Beauty.

"Well," says Philemon, "you still have page 16 of the Sowetan stuck to
your bum."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Contributed by Peter Woods]

Tuna just doesn't taste the same anymore without dolphin...

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#504: South Africa: Why Bafana didn't qualify (v2)

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Ever wondered why South Africa is absolutely useless in football?

Bashin Mahlangu

Interviewer: Bashin, how do you feel about scoring such a beautiful goal?

Mahlangu: I feel immediately!!!

Lesley Manyathela (RIP)
(This was an interview to get to know more about the player after an
extended period of rich form)

Interviewer: So Lesley, tell us about your family.

Manyathela: I have one KIDS. I also have two brothers: There is one
in front of me and one behind me.

Bhele Nomvete
(This interview was conducted after a match on Bhele's birthday.)

Interviewer: Firstly, Bhele we'd just like to wish you a happy birthday.

Nomvete: Thank you, thank you, same to you!

Steve Lekoelea

Interviewer: Steve, you have just played an amazing game to help Pirates
win. Where to from here?

Lekoelea: I am going home.

Interviewer: Steve, you seem to have hit such a rich vein of form.
You also seem a lot fitter. What is your secret?

Lekoelea: In the morning I get up and I run away.

Jabu Pule

Interviewer: Jabu, who do you think will host the 2010 soccer bid?

Pule: Marks Maponyane

Peter Ndlovu (Zimbabwe)

Interviewer: Peter, those were three beautiful babies you put away
behind the net. How do you feel?

Ndlovu: Aah, I am so ashamed, I just don't like it when these
woman tell the whole world.

Siyabonga Nomvete

Interviewer : Siyabonga, you really seemed to enjoy the game?

Nomvete: Yes, the game was very much delicious.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Contributed by Peter Woods]

Error: Keyboard not found! Press a key to continue.

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#490: South Africa: Driving rules for Johannesburg

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1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Joburg driver
never uses them. On BMW and Mercedes cars indicators are not fitted.

2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between
yourself and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled
by two Golfs, a BMW and a Hi-Ace taxi, putting you in an even more
dangerous situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance of
getting hit.

4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign!
No-one expects it and it will only result in you being rear-ended.

5. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that
your ABS kicks in - giving you a nice, relaxing foot massage as the
brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance
to stretch your legs.

6. Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left. It's a good
way to check if the people entering the highway are awake.

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a guideline.
They are especially not applicable in Randburg during rush hour.
That's why it's called "rush hour"...

8. Just because you're in the right lane and have no room to speed up
or move over doesn't mean that a Joburg driver flashing his high
beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your place.

9. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even
someone changing a tire. Never stop to help - you will be mugged.

10. Learn to swerve abruptly. Gauteng is the home of high-speed slalom
driving thanks to the Road Works Department, which puts holes in key
locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

11. It is traditional in Sandton to honk your horn at cars that don't
move the instant the light turns green. This prevents storks from
building nests on top of the traffic light and minahs from making
deposits on your car.

12. Remember that the goal of every Johannesburg driver is to get there
first - by whatever means necessary.

13. In township areas, "flipping someone the bird" is considered a
polite Gauteng salute. This gesture should always be returned.

14. On average, at least three cars can still go through an intersection
after the light has turned red. It's people not adhering to this
basic principle that cause the big traffic jams during rush hour.

15. A solid white line means the same as a staggered line in Gauteng.
The Metro Police Department just have to save paint to buy new cars
for all the new directors. A solid white line next to a staggered
line means they have sorted the directors out and the paint contract
has been awarded to their wives.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Pulled off gpsa.co.za]

A critic is someone who knows the way, but can't drive the car.

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