#507: Battle of the sexes: Drink survey of South Africans

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another and more recent survey conducted by a South African magazine
also asked if bartenders could identify a patron's personality based on
the drinks they ordered.

Some fifty bartenders from across the country were interviewed, and
although they were questioned separately, they did concur on most items:

------------------------------------------------------------------------

IF MEN DRINK -

Castle Lager

Unimaginative, boring, civil servant types stuck in a job they hate
who drink alcohol purely because they don't have DSTV or a girlfriend.
This type thinks that NuMetro is a kind of posh train service and that
News Café is a bookshop. If you are a boss looking for a loyal employee,
look no further than a Castle drinker!

Lion Lager

Unimaginative, boring, civil servant types stuck in a job they hate
who drink alcohol purely because they don't have M-Net but a fat wife.
High suicide rate.

Hansa

This crowd is made up mostly of guys who used to be on the cutting edge
some ten years ago in the 90's - but nobody has told them that having a
studded fake diamond earring in one ear and gold-capped teeth ceased
being socially-acceptable in 1994.

Carling Black Label

Stay away from this lot. If they have never been to jail it's because
our Safety and Security Ministry is so inefficient or they're simply out
on bail. Thugs, gangsters, murderers, Pirates fans and wife-beaters, the
lot of them! Will never own a better car than a 1996 Mazda Sting with
17-inch rims and a Sony boombox.

Amstel

Real wannabe intellectual types who are label-conscious. On any given
Saturday afternoon the average Amstel drinker is found dressed in a
Bafana jersey, Diesel jeans and red R1,200 Nike sneakers. Typically
drive a Golf V and have a Nokia 9300.

Heineken

Wannabe, pretentious types who fancy themselves to be unique and on the
cutting edge. Truth be told, they hate the taste of Heineken but will be
damned if they will have their first love, Hansa. In ten years, they'll
be just like today's Hansa drinkers, ie. the guys everybody laughs at
because they support Sundowns and still drive their 2006 Mazda Sting.

Windhoek Lager

Same as the Heineken crowd above but add "got no money to buy Heineken."

Miller

Closet fags who only have Miller in public. Truth be told, they're
really Hooch, Bacardi Breezer or Smirnoff Spin drinkers in private.

Savannah

Alcoholics who are acutely aware of that "6% v/v" on the label.

Castle Milk Stout

Aggressive alcoholics who do not know what "6% v/v" means.

Castle Lite

Serious alcoholics who have bought in into that "the one to have
when you're having more than one". They are generally intelligent
but argumentative types who secretly resent Milk Stout and Savannah
drinkers because that is what they really want to drink. They tend to
like quoting statistics. They'll remark that "the calorie content in
a regular beer is equivalent to seven loaves of bread" as they down
their 17th beer.

Hunter's Dry

Reformed beer drinkers or rural types with big hands (from ploughing).

Bacardi Breezer / Brutal Fruit / Hooch /Smirnoff Spin

One of two things: (a) fags or (b) newcomers to the drinking game.

Wine

Fags.

J&B / Dewars

Poor guys. Cannot tell the difference between whisky and brandy.

Jack Daniels / Johnny Walker Red and Black

Like whisky but don't know the difference between bourbon and a Scotch.
Drink whisky because they just like the taste.

Jameson / Glenfiddich / Chivas Regal / Dimple

Serious whisky connoisseurs.

Smirnoff 1818

Check "Carling Black Label" description the add "rapists" to it.

Mellowood / Richelieu / Martell / Klipdrift (and similar)

Violent. Call every spirit "brandy", even Johnnie Walker. If less than
40 in age, poor. Chances are they will own a Kaizer Chiefs / Orlando
Pirates makalabha and a vuvuzela to go with it..

KWV 10 / Klipdrift Premium (and similar)

Actually likes brandy.

KWV 5

wannabe brandy connoisseur without the money.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

IF WOMEN DRINK -

Any beer

Slut.

Milk Stout

prostitute.

Barcadi Breezer / Hooch

Believe men owe them a living and do not really know that a Hooch goes
for R16 a pop at News Café because they have never actually bought it
for themselves. At their own places you will find Brutal Fruit and/or
Smirnoff Spin empties in their waste.

Brutal Fruit or Smirnoff Spin

Cheap bargain hunters you will generally see in the front of the Edgars
Red Hanger Sale.

Wine by the glass

Pretentious bitches that think they have arrived because they drive a
Peugeot 206 or Renault Clio. They live in a snazzy townhouse they can't
afford and are probably at the pub looking for a dumb arsehole to
subsidise their car instalments / townhouse rent / overdraft repayments.

Wine by the bottle (JC Le Roux, Cold Duck, Graca Rose, etc. excluded)

Classy. Powerful.
Know what they want and probably have a Beemer parked outside.

Amarula Cream (and similar)

Horny. Like... all the time! Mention the alley next to the pub.

Whisky (any whisky)

Even hornier...

Brandy (any brandy)

Horny civil servant types.

Aftershock or Stroh Rum

You're fucked... real fucked!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Contributor unknown]

If at first you don't succeed, buy her another drink!

-----------------------------------------------------------

#506: South Africa: Mind your I's and your Are's

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Every morning, when the old lady teacher came to the Afrikaans students
for an English lecture she greeted them with "Good morning, class!"

Yet everytime one boy out of the whole class room would get up to greet
the teacher in return.

This happened time and again until she decided to call him up to her
desk and ask him, loud enough for everyone to hear, "Why is it that
every time I greet the whole class, only you stand up to greet me?"

He replied to the teacher in his best English: "It is 'cause I are the
only person in this class what's name are Klaas!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Contributed by Peter Woods]

Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

-----------------------------------------------------------

#505: South Africa: Philemon and Beauty

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Philemon and Beauty are sixty-nining when Philemon says, "Beauty, did
you know that the government spent R2 million on repairs to Mbeki's
house last year?"

"Eish-wena!" exclaims Beauty. "That is too much money," she adds.

"And," says Philemon, "did you know that one rape occurs every ten
minutes in Egoli?"

"Hau!" replies Beauty. "Philemon, you know everything," she says with
admiration.

"Beauty," says Philemon, "and did you know that Felicia Mabuza-Suttle
had an operation to make her breasts bigger?"

"Haikona Philemon!" exclaims Beauty. "But Philemon," she asks, "even
though you know everything, why are you telling me all this while we
are having the sex?"

And Philemon replies, "Remember last year, when you forgot to buy the
toilet paper over the Christmas weekend, and we had to use newspaper?"

"Yebo, I remember", says Beauty.

"Well," says Philemon, "you still have page 16 of the Sowetan stuck to
your bum."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Contributed by Peter Woods]

Tuna just doesn't taste the same anymore without dolphin...

-----------------------------------------------------------

#504: South Africa: Why Bafana didn't qualify (v2)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ever wondered why South Africa is absolutely useless in football?

Bashin Mahlangu

Interviewer: Bashin, how do you feel about scoring such a beautiful goal?

Mahlangu: I feel immediately!!!

Lesley Manyathela (RIP)
(This was an interview to get to know more about the player after an
extended period of rich form)

Interviewer: So Lesley, tell us about your family.

Manyathela: I have one KIDS. I also have two brothers: There is one
in front of me and one behind me.

Bhele Nomvete
(This interview was conducted after a match on Bhele's birthday.)

Interviewer: Firstly, Bhele we'd just like to wish you a happy birthday.

Nomvete: Thank you, thank you, same to you!

Steve Lekoelea

Interviewer: Steve, you have just played an amazing game to help Pirates
win. Where to from here?

Lekoelea: I am going home.

Interviewer: Steve, you seem to have hit such a rich vein of form.
You also seem a lot fitter. What is your secret?

Lekoelea: In the morning I get up and I run away.

Jabu Pule

Interviewer: Jabu, who do you think will host the 2010 soccer bid?

Pule: Marks Maponyane

Peter Ndlovu (Zimbabwe)

Interviewer: Peter, those were three beautiful babies you put away
behind the net. How do you feel?

Ndlovu: Aah, I am so ashamed, I just don't like it when these
woman tell the whole world.

Siyabonga Nomvete

Interviewer : Siyabonga, you really seemed to enjoy the game?

Nomvete: Yes, the game was very much delicious.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Contributed by Peter Woods]

Error: Keyboard not found! Press a key to continue.

-----------------------------------------------------------

#490: South Africa: Driving rules for Johannesburg

------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Joburg driver
never uses them. On BMW and Mercedes cars indicators are not fitted.

2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between
yourself and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled
by two Golfs, a BMW and a Hi-Ace taxi, putting you in an even more
dangerous situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance of
getting hit.

4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign!
No-one expects it and it will only result in you being rear-ended.

5. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that
your ABS kicks in - giving you a nice, relaxing foot massage as the
brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance
to stretch your legs.

6. Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left. It's a good
way to check if the people entering the highway are awake.

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a guideline.
They are especially not applicable in Randburg during rush hour.
That's why it's called "rush hour"...

8. Just because you're in the right lane and have no room to speed up
or move over doesn't mean that a Joburg driver flashing his high
beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your place.

9. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even
someone changing a tire. Never stop to help - you will be mugged.

10. Learn to swerve abruptly. Gauteng is the home of high-speed slalom
driving thanks to the Road Works Department, which puts holes in key
locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

11. It is traditional in Sandton to honk your horn at cars that don't
move the instant the light turns green. This prevents storks from
building nests on top of the traffic light and minahs from making
deposits on your car.

12. Remember that the goal of every Johannesburg driver is to get there
first - by whatever means necessary.

13. In township areas, "flipping someone the bird" is considered a
polite Gauteng salute. This gesture should always be returned.

14. On average, at least three cars can still go through an intersection
after the light has turned red. It's people not adhering to this
basic principle that cause the big traffic jams during rush hour.

15. A solid white line means the same as a staggered line in Gauteng.
The Metro Police Department just have to save paint to buy new cars
for all the new directors. A solid white line next to a staggered
line means they have sorted the directors out and the paint contract
has been awarded to their wives.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Pulled off gpsa.co.za]

A critic is someone who knows the way, but can't drive the car.

-----------------------------------------------------------

#489: Taxi Driver: A South African tale

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A taxi driver runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a cop.

He thinks he's smarter than the cop and, knowing there's a non-existent
conviction rate for taxi drivers, decides to prove this to himself and
have some fun at the same time.

Cop: "License please!"

Taxi driver: "WHAT for!?"

Cop: "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign!"

Taxi driver: "Heish! I slowed down, and nobody was coming!"

Cop: "You still didn't come to a complete stop! License please!"

Taxi driver: "What's the DIFFERENCE!?"

Cop: "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop! That's
the LAW! License please!"

Taxi driver: "Heish! If you can show me the DIFFERENCE between SLOW DOWN
and STOP, me, I give you my license, and you give me the ticket! If
not, you let me go and NO ticket!"

Cop: "Exit your vehicle, Boetie..."

The taxi driver gets out of his taxi and, at this point, the cop takes
out his truncheon, starts dondering the ever-loving crap out of the
taxi driver and says, "Do you want me to STOP or just SLOW DOWN, Boet?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Contributor unknown]

A collision happens when two motorists go after the same pedestrian.

-----------------------------------------------------------

#450: South Africa: Green power

#448: South Africa: Why the BMW 530d isn't selling...

Not too shabby, is it?

Well, for some reason the BMW 530d just isn't selling too well in South
Africa.
Our intrepid investigators were dispatched and uncovered the reason
why... see http://home.arcor.de/hmvh/2005/448.htm

#447: South Africa: Personalised number plates

#446: South Africa: Taxi driver from Hell?

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.

Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a colourful
shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy:
"Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to
the Kingdom of heaven?"

The guy replies: "I'm Philemon Khumalo, taxi driver from Johannesburg,
Gauteng, South Africa."

Saint Peter consults his list.

He smiles and says to the taxi driver: "Take this silken robe and
golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's
now the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out: "I am Joseph
Snow, pastor of Saint Paul's for the last forty-three years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister: "Take this
cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver and
he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached,
people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[From the archives]

TYPE COMPLAINTS /ALL > NUL

-----------------------------------------------------------

#445: South Africa: Let's ask Sipho

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two farmers from Vryheid were debating about whether having sex is
hard work or pleasure, and they couldn't come up with one answer.

One of them decided to call Sipho and asked him the question,
"Is sex pleasure or hard work?"

After thinking deeply about this, Sipho replied "Sex is pleasure, Baas."

The farmer asked Sipho why he said so.

Sipho responded, "Eish, Baas, if sex was hard work you would have asked
me to do it for you!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Contributed by Peter Woods]

My opinions are my own and may change without prior notification...

-----------------------------------------------------------

#444: South Africa: The road to Polokwane

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I phoned a colleague in Cape Town and wanted to leave a message.
"Please ask him to phone me in Polokwane," I said.

"Where?" his secretary asked, sounding as if she had bitten into a
lemon, "Polokwane, where's that?"

"Between Mokopane and Makhado in Limpopo," I said.

"Where is that?" she asked patiently.

I could hear she thought she had a joker on the line.

"Well, "I explained, "you drive from Tshwane past Bela-Bela and
Modimolle through the tollgate. Continue past Mokopane but watch your
speed as speed traps make lots of money from those travelling too fast.
Polokwane is just after Mokopane but if you reach Makahado you have
gone too far." I wasn't sure how we'd ended up on the road route when
all I wanted was a telephone call.

"Just hold it right there, sir," she interrupted. "Where is Makhado?"

"Between Polokwane and Musina," I said, trying to be helpful.

"Excuse me, sir, but where is Musina?"

"Musina is between Makhado and Harare."

"Do you live in Harare?" she asked as if she'd suddenly seen the light.

"No," I said, "I am trying to explain where Polokwane is."

"In Zimbabwe?" she asked hopefully.

"No, in Limpopo," I corrected her.

She gave a helpless sigh and said: "Please can we start again."

I thought at this stage she might be thinking she was live on air with
Leon Schuster and she became a bit wary. "Where is Tshwane?"

"That's easy," I said, "between Bela-Bela and Egoli."

"No sir, I mean the town."

"So do I," said I, figuring she was now into soapies while I was still
on the road, so to speak.

"Egoli is on the other side of Tshwane when coming from the direction
of Bela-Bela," I said.

"Excuse me, have you perhaps had too much to drink?"

"No," I said, "I am not drunk. They changed the name."

"Do you mean someone has changed your name?"

"Not my name, the town's name."

"What town's name?"

"Pietersburg."

"You live in Pietersburg!" she cried with delight.

I could detect the dawn of understanding. "No," I said, "I live in
Polokwane, formerly known as Pietersburg."

"No shit?" she blurted.

"No shit!" I confirmed.

"So you're phoning from Polokwane previously known as Pietersburg?"

"Exactly."

"Now what were all the other names you mentioned?"

I realised the poor lass needed a lesson in the geography of our country
pretty quickly, so I explained: "Egoli is Johannesburg. Tshwane is
Pretoria. If you travel north you pass Bela-Bela, formerly Warmbaths,
after that Modimolle that was Nylstroom and Potgietersrust that is
Mokopane now. After Mokopane you get Polokwane that was Pietersburg,
then Louis Trichardt that became Makhado. After you have passed Makhado
you get Musina that was originally Messina."

"And Musina is by the Limpopo!" she exclaimed triumphantly.

"Yes," I said, "but the Limpopo I was speaking of is the province."

"What do you call the river then?"

"Limpopo," I said.

"Blerry hell!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Contributed by Peter Woods from Egoli]

Stress is when you wake up screaming and
you realise you haven't fallen asleep yet.

-----------------------------------------------------------

#443: South Africa: Newspaper headlines from the year 2000

----------------- [ This advertising space for rent ] ------------------

Heard about the Winnebago driver who put on the cruise control so he can
go into the back and make a cup of coffee, and then won a million bucks
from the manufacturer when it crashed? Of course you have, and it's
a BOGUS story! Heard about the old woman who sued McDonalds after she
spilled hot coffee over herself? Yes, that's a true story! Her name is
Stella Liebeck, and now there's a book featuring all similarly idiotic
cases of libel! Order it from http://www.stellaawards.com/book.html

------------------------------------------------------------------------

We all know how newspaper editors and writers sensationalise what in
reality is a fairly mundane snippet of information. Headlines are often
purposely written in such a manner so as to incite emotion, if not just
some sort of curiosity, simply to attract a potential customer.
However, not unlike rumours and urban legends, there is usually an
interpretation of truth in the simple term referred to as a "headline",
making one wonder about the story behind that phrase.

What we have here are headlines - collected during the latter part of
the year 2000, and as seen posted on signboards, lamp posts, and traffic
lights (or "robots", if you will).

This is not only the bad news.
I have included the most interesting and amusing ones (well, to me,
at least!), and that includes good news too (at least there is some).

Items are listed chronologically [personal comments in brackets]:

5726 cops face criminal charges
Argus cyclist slain
Pitbull victim dies
FIFA fever banned
Snake threat for sex girls [I won't go there!]
Plan for social security
1000+ years for killer
Woman sought after cut penis [our own Ms. Bobbitt]
2 kids suffocate in fridge
SA Aids policy baffles world experts [much of SA baffles everyone!]
More cops for killer highway
Million won on TV: Pic
Crime boss found in shallow grave
Car chase in city wipes out family
Scores arrested in city crime blitz
Boys (11) take guns to school
Missile stolen from SANDF
Disco deaths: Revenge feared
ET goes to jail [did he get his phone call?]
Cops nab highway rock gang [rock throwers, not musicians]
Shock at fuel price increase [what did they expect - praise?]
City cops win case against mayor
Woman pulls plane
D-day for ET
R2,6-M for sacked official
Floods cost SA billions
R187 to fill a Corolla
Lottery heads for R12-M
Cop on shooting spree
Garages brace for fuel rush
6,000 at Bles funeral
Doctor killed for cellphone [what will doctors will kill for next -
stethoscopes?]
Porsche woman abducted
Woman's body parts hidden in freezer
Taxi fare shock
Mugabe legalises land grab
Editor charges minister
CIA warns Aids could kill off SA Elite [but only the rapists in power]
Brutal killings at city store
Mentally ill woman dies in cell
Teens in sex for sale shock
Stolen car traced to cop's home
Lotto winner in hiding
Oh, Hansie!
Cronje faces 4 years in jail
Security car mows down 5 women
Mom sells girl for R100
Woman stabbed 24 times
Zim farmer slain
"White farmers are our enemies"
Match-fix fever hits soccer
5 years for stealing dishcloth
Pretoria crash carnage
New sex laws
Hi-tech loafing at work [where are YOU reading this now?]
Heroic prisoner saves cop's life
Rapists jailed for 100 years
Pointless to shout at Mugabe - Mbeki
UFO balls: NASA to pay for damages
E-mail virus causes havoc
Rand climbs back from R7 a Dollar
Schools to teach self-defense
10 killed in taxi crash
PUTCO roadworthy shock
16 years for raping daughter
Court told of plot to kill ANC leaders
Mayor fakes death for money
Police shoot as schoolkids run riot [back to 1976...]

Not much has changed. Here we have a few headlines from 2005...

Kids burn grandpa to death
Pregnant woman axed to death
Woman raped three times
Shoot-out at Sandton hotel

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Partially from the private archives, and elsewhere]

"That's the trouble with reality - it's taken far too seriously"
Celebrate - An Emotional Fish, 1990

-----------------------------------------------------------

#442: South Africa: Affirmative Action Employment Application

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Affirmative Action EMPLOYMENT APPLICATION
- Department of Labour

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE ENTRANCE EXAM

Name: _____________________________ (optional)

1. What language does a Zulu Warrior speak? _______________

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular
reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions, OR
give the first or last name of Scot Scott. ________

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
___ (a) Plow a field
___ (b) Build a boat
___ (c) Cook a meal
___ (d) WRITE A PLAY?

4. What religion is the Pope?
___ (a) Catholic
___ (b) Other
(check only one)

5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?

6. What time is the news at ten on, when the big hand is on the 12 and
the little hand is on the 10? ___

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately) ___

8. What are people in Africa's far north called?
___ (a) Westerners
___ (b) Southerners
___ (c) Northerners
___ (d) Italians

9. Spell: one, two and three -
one: __________________________________________
two: __________________________________________
three: __________________________________________

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being
George the Sixth. Name the previous five:
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________
__________________

11. Where does rain come from?
___ (a) The Spar
___ (b) a 7-11
___ (c) Canada
___ (d) the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
___ (a) yes
___ (b) no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrica is the National Anthem of what country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR-
give your age at birth: _____________________________

16. Where is the basement in a three-story building located?

17. Which Town in South Africa produces the most oranges?
___ (a) Laingsburg
___ (b) Beaufort West
___ (c) Colesburg
___ (d) CERES

18. Advanced math: If you have three apples, how many apples do you
have? ____

19. What does S.A.B.C (South African Broadcasting Corporation)
stand for? ________________________________________

20. Computers were invented when? (approximately)?
___ (a) B.C.
___ (b) A.D.

21. What is a gold coin made of? _______

22. Which of the following is NOT made from metal?
___ (a) An Anvil
___ (b) An electrical pylon
___ (c) A locomotive
___ (d) A pair of woollen socks

23. Who won World War 2? -OR- who came second? ________________________

24. What colour are the White Cliffs Of Dover? ________________________

25. How many lunch times are there in a four day working week? ___

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[From the archives]

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

-----------------------------------------------------------

#441: South Africa: The Affirmative ATM Experience

------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Take out card.
2. Turn around to look at queue of already exasperated faces.
3. Insert card wrong way around.
4. Take out card.
5. Insert card wrong way up.
6. Take out card.
7. Try to force card in.
8. With assistance of helpful white hands, eventually insert card.
9. Cannot remember PIN number.
10. Machine spews out card.
11. Repeat steps 1-8.
12. Enter PIN number wrongly.
13. Repeat steps 1-8.
14. Enter PIN number.
15. Try to read instructions.
16. Time up; machine spews out card.
17. Repeat steps 1-14.
18. Follow instructions; hit wrong keys.
19. Repeat steps 1-18.
20. Look back at freaked-out queue with look of "don't mess with me,
I'm on African time" (x5).
21. Punch in "Withdraw R25,00".
22. Repeat steps 1-20.
23. Punch in "Withdraw R50,00".
24. Wrong account / account empty.
25. Step out of line to scrutinise card for long time.
26. Return at midnight with buddies to carry off ATM.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[From the archives]

I visited South Africa and all I got was robbed.

-----------------------------------------------------------